


Open the Window

by Lyli



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Donghyuck is Mark's ride or die, Fluff, M/M, Mark still has a cute childish side but is a bit emo in this, and Sicheng is the local party animal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-06-09 23:14:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 36,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15278325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyli/pseuds/Lyli
Summary: After trying to please his parents all these years, Mark decides to move away from everything and everyone he knows in a new university. His friend tells him: “Please make some friends. Don’t be lonely. And have some fun.” And that’s exactly what Mark intends to do. Enters Wong Yukhei, who helps with that.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! First kpop fanfiction I’m ever publishing. English is not my first language so I’m sorry in advance if I left any mistakes in there. I hope my fellow lumark lovers will enjoy this! Gosh I can’t even find words to explain how happy I am to finally post this… this is a slow start though.  
> Uh yeah so, fluff and angst? I mean it. It’s 50/50. Maybe 60/40 But I won’t tell you which (:

It’s Saturday and Mark is moving in his new place. The weather is quite hot and not really fitting for carrying heavy furniture up the stairs to the third floor. Fortunately, for some extra cash, the movers agreed on helping him with the couch and the bed. However, since Mark had nothing more to offer they left him with a dozen of cardboard boxes in the lobby.

He picks one of the largest – probably linens – and begins his labour. This is when his phone starts ringing. He picks it up with difficulty when he’s still climbing the stairs and wedges it as best as he can between his cheek and his shoulder.

“Donghyuck, I haven't even unpacked my stuff yet, let me breathe.”

Mark puts down the box at his feet when he reaches his floor, panting heavily. He takes his phone in his hand while unlocking the door with the other.

“If you had just waited one day, one, I would’ve been able to come all the way there and give you a hand.”

“I don’t need help. And why are you the one complaining about this?”

Donghyuck starts laughing. “It's because I care about you!”

Mark sighs and picks up the box.

“Everything is going to be so boring and dull without you here.” Donghyuck laments again.

“Literally every single one of your friends from your grade stayed around. But I'm all alone here, I don't know anyone.”

Donghyuck is Mark’s best friend since he moved to Seoul from Canada when he was ten. He was a friendly kid living in his new and unfamiliar neighbourhood who immediately welcomed him. Although he is one year younger than him, he has always been someone Mark could rely on.

“I know, Mark, I'm just teasing you.”

There is silence for a few seconds and this pause seems awfully long for some reason. Donghyuck speaks again, eventually.

“Look, I feel so bad for everything. I know it's hard, but you'll be okay doing what you like instead of trying to please your parents. No matter if it’s in Seoul or somewhere else.”

“You did nothing wrong so don't feel bad. I'm happy you got accepted here, really. Seoul’s top universities probably don’t run after failed med students so I kind of expected the result.”

Mark’s parents wanted him to become a doctor, just like his father. Mark wanted to make them proud and worked his hardest to be admitted in a medical school in Seoul. The entire year he spent there was nothing less than a descent into Hell for him. Mark, who loved writing more than anything lost all inspiration and hasn’t been able to write a single word in months. Eventually, he failed his first year and decided not to try a second time despite his parents’ protests so he wouldn’t sink further into despair. His dream of wanting to become an author had not entirely died yet and he still wanted to study both literature and history in order to become a teacher if he could not live from his passion.

After being rejected from Seoul’s universities, he was admitted in an international college in the south. Mark secretly hopes this will allow him to spend a semester in Canada, where his brother has also gone to.

Although his brother is basically a delinquent, although his parents like to remind him that he is a “good-for-nothing”, he is still the person Mark loves and respects the most in the whole entire world. He had the strength to do what Mark could never at such a young age and rebelled against their strict and violent father in order to be free. His parents turned their backs to him and from then on, Mark carried the weight of expectations for two sons on his shoulders. He never complained and always complied diligently. Until he decided he had enough.

“They don’t know what they’re missing.”

Donghyuck sounds like he’s pouting and Mark chuckles.

“Are you praising me?”

Donghyuck scoffs. “Yeah I hope you recorded this because it won’t happen again!”

“Too bad then...”

They both keep talking for a while. Mark does not want this to end because it would mean he would have to go back to moving his stuff and he’s tired already. But mostly because he would be alone with himself again.

Even if he started living alone a year ago, Mark always had his parents’ support, as well as friends and a roommate around to keep him grounded. Now all of his friend live far away and he can only expect his mother to deign to help him financially. This new found independence leaves him feeling a bit lost and lonely. Eventually his conversation with Donghyuck ends.

 

 

It’s late in the afternoon and his new place became a mess of unopened boxes and disassembled furniture. For sure, he can’t live like this and he does not trust himself in taking care of it any later, so he puts everything away and tidies up before all strength finally leaves him. He lets himself fall onto the couch.

Mark actually likes this apartment. It is not that large but there is definitely no way he could have afforded this in Seoul for such a low rent. A living room with a corner large enough for a couch and a small TV, an open-plan kitchen right behind, and a bedroom with a balcony and a bathroom on the other side. Perks of living in the middle of nowhere, probably.

The window in the kitchen is directly opened on the opposite building. From his room, however, he can see the busiest street in the city. Mark is considering moving his work space in the living room instead, since it is definitely calmer than his poorly soundproofed bedroom – nothing is really stopping him from moving stuff around, he has no roommate to worry about.

“Nowhere” would be an overstatement, though. He’s in a fairly big city which is part of a large agglomeration. Though it might seem small for someone used to Seoul and its suburb, it is nothing like an isolated village amongst forests and fields. The campus however, is outside the urban area on a hill, making it impossible to reach by foot from the city, and surrounded by nothing but a stadium and the university facilities – including dorms that Mark couldn't get into due to his late application.

 

 

Mark takes instant Cup Noodles he has brought from home in order to avoid having to do the groceries as soon as he settles down – other food products include fruit, eggs, beer bottles and yogurt, which are, in this order, his top priorities. This is just a poor excuse. He will probably feed on instant noodles all year anyway.

Steam forms on the window as he approaches it with his cup full of hot water so he opens it and passes his head through the opening to get some fresh air.

Though fresh might not be the most fitting term. Mark frowns as he notices that this small alley is where the trash cans of the residents are located. From the third floor, even without the sun reaching there anymore, Mark can distinguish a stray cat jumping from one container to another.

He lifts his eyes to the window on the opposite wall. It has a small balcony much like the one he has in his own room although smaller due to the lack of space. The neighbouring building is so close that it feels like he could touch it if he stretched his arm out. But not quite, actually (he tries). For now, the curtains are rolled down and Mark wonders if anyone lives there; the proximity would make any encounter pretty awkward if he and his neighbour happen to be outside at the same time.

On this thought, he throws his empty noodle cup in the trash and directly goes to sleep after taking a shower.

 

 

The next day, Mark is exploring the city. It's Sunday and he’s glad to find the small church quickly. He's actually living quite close to it – he can just walk there without having to ride the bus – but he can't see it from his apartment because of the taller buildings around it.

When he exits the church, he’s in a great mood because he knows he will be able to find refuge there whenever he needs it. With just this, he’s suddenly feeling confident.

The three missing calls and texts from Donghyuck are not enough to ruin his day.

[ Is the new place ok? Did you sleep well??? No hot water problem? ]

Mark decides he will answer later as he is immersed in his walk downtown, which better than what he imagined it to be. He gladly trades the convenience of the dorms for a livelier yet peaceful city where he can feel like a regular citizen amongst others and not a studying machine.

Whether it’s in church, down the main street or on the market place, Mark has not seen anyone middle aged, nor young married couples nor children around.

Only elderly people and students.

An old man using a walking frame crosses paths with a girl in her twenties running across the road to catch up with the bus. She stops to chat with him and misses her bus. A woman with long grey hair is selling carrots to a group of well-groomed young men.

Mark supposes that this is how city life must look like during wartime.

He could say he is at war with himself.

But it's peaceful.

A surge of inspiration takes over him as he watches these scenes happening before his eyes. He soon finds a park and sits on a random bench under an oak tree before taking out a notebook and a pen from his inside pocket, and he begins frantically writing whatever flies by his mind.

When his inspiration finally goes dry, sun is shining on the other side of the park. The old woman who was sitting on the bench across feeding pigeons with stale bread is long gone now.

Half of his notebook is inked black.

More missed calls from Donghyuck.

Mark sighs and decides it’s time to call back.

“H-hey”

His voice is unassured, he fears his best friend’s wrath.

“Mark? Gosh. Ugh. Let me stop that.” Mark hears him set his phone aside to pause whatever game he was playing at before picking it up. “Man I thought you got attacked by farmers armed with rifles and forks for crossing their fields. Or something.”

“What? No. You know I’m not living in a farm. It's an actual city. It's really not that bad.”

“Oh, well, glad you like it then. You were the one complaining about having to go to “the literal countryside”.”

“Uh, about that, I might have exaggerated a little…  Also, sorry about earlier. I went to church and then I got sidetracked.”

Mark knows he’s supposed to tell Donghyuck when he feels better, when he can finally write again without stopping after just a few words. But his sentence gets stuck in his throat and he can’t bring himself to share his joy with his him. He’s afraid it will jinx it. So, not yet.

“Mind you, I didn’t want to bother Mr. Mark Lee when he was at church service.”

“Hey, stop. You call me more often than my mother.”

“I know. I also call you more than I call my own mother. But what can I say, it’s because _I_ care about _you_.” Dongkyuck giggles. “We only have each other now.”

Various meanings hide in the multiple layers of these last statements.

Addressing any of them would be like moving a rotting corpse full of maggots, so Mark keeps his comments to himself.

“I’m kidding” Donghyuck declares then (he didn’t sound like he was). “Please make some friends. Don’t be lonely. And have some fun.”

Mark stays silent and nods as if his friend can see him through the phone.

“Actually, my classes start tomorrow. It’s the same for you right? Right. I won’t bother you as much with my phone calls. But you can still call or text me if there’s a problem. Ok? I’m gonna hang up. Bye.”

His head is buzzing from his short phone call with Donghyuck. His heart is beating fast. The other’s words echo in his brain. “Make some friends. Don’t be lonely. And have some fun.” Easier said than done but he will for sure give it try. Mark is not one to give up.

Once he reaches home he realises that he has been so absorbed in observing people and writing that he ended up forgetting to buy the groceries, which was actually the whole point of his trip outside. Although it's not too late to go to the convenience store he saw right at the other end of the park, Mark is tired and decides to call it a day at only 6PM.

 

 

He wakes up at 10PM and he is starving. He forgot to eat breakfast and lunch and skipped dinner too. Without bothering to turn on the light, he picks an apple and bites into it hungrily, moaning excessively at the sweet taste of juice flowing in his mouth. He rests his arms against the kitchen counter, chewing on the fruit and cursing himself for being such an airhead.

Suddenly, a dim glow lights up the room. Mark turns around and notices the lights were turned on in the neighbouring building. The curtains are up and the window wide open. Someone’s living there, after all. He’s feeling curious and gets closer so he can distinguish a silhouette slouched over the guardrail of the balcony, head low, resting over crossed arms. Mark assumes it is a male but he is unsure whether to sort him in the elderly or student category from the position he’s in. He can only make out so much from the weak source of light.

Satisfied to have slightly filled his stomach, he goes back to sleep.

 

 

Though Mark has not been able to determine whether the mysterious man of the balcony was old or young, he can now for sure say that his neighbours on the same floor are the latter. They came home around midnight and the paper thin walls of his bedroom allowed him to hear every single detail of their passionate night.

He could not get much sleep after that. He’s so distracted that he burns his eggs. _How did I even manage that?_ He really wants to cry but he doesn’t because, well, he is a responsible and independent adult now. He opens the window, takes a deep breath and starts eating his eggs which leave a sour taste in his mouth.

And there he is. The man from the day before is eating a bowl of cereals on the balcony with his eyes half-closed, just a few feet away from him.

A student. However, he has been expecting everything but that.

He’s shirtless, and Mark can see through the guardrail that he’s only wearing sweatpants hanging low on his hips. Mark can’t help but stare in amazement at this body which looks like it’s been crafted directly after an antique Greek marble statue. Maybe it’s an exaggeration. Maybe he's just his type. Maybe Mark lacks sleep. And maybe multitasking becomes impossible when the mysterious neighbour lifts his head, so he drops his plate and ugly, oily eggs stain his white pyjamas. Mark sinks on his knees and hides behind the wall under the window. He’s sure the man has seen him. He sits on the floor, kicking the void in embarrassment and concealing a scream.

When he’s calmed down, Mark leaves the mess on the floor and crawls back to his room, making sure he can’t be seen. He throws his dirty pyjamas in the bathroom sink and gets ready for college. The bus journey is quite long. It’s haunted by thoughts of his embarrassing encounter and strange questions such as: “how come this guy wasn’t cold?” ; “Was he really a student?” ; “did he actually see me the night before?”

After leaving the city he’s staying in, the bus crosses another one before going up the hill where the campus is located. It’s huge. Definitely fit for international exchange. When Mark gets there, he has trouble finding where his classes take place. Hopefully, he’s early and the information pamphlets distributed by senior students at the entrance help a lot.

The first day goes well. The classes he has taken are interesting, the professors seem nice. He meets a boy named Huang Renjun from China, who is majoring in Korean and Chinese literature and minoring in art history, and with whom he will share a lot of his classes.

When Mark shares with him that he’s interested in the history of words and writing, and craving to learn more in order to share it with the next generation, Renjun tells him he’s grateful for meeting someone so ambitious. When Mark adds that he also aspires to become a writer, Renjun says he prefers making art with colours rather than with words.

Since the break is short, they cannot go back to town and they have to eat at the university refectory. The food is not so great but neither of them complains about it, especially Mark, since he has not eaten a proper meal in a while.

“I swear I’ve never seen anyone eat this much.” Renjun states, slightly disconcerted at the sight of Mark devouring his food.

At the end of the day they part ways. Mark takes his bus while Renjun goes back to the dorms. Mark texts Donghyuck and tells him about how his first day went down (“Hey, first day was how I expected it to be. I met a nice guy named Renjun who likes art and literature.”), and his friend answers that he made a few friends too and that he’s living the dream. Mark omits talking about burnt breakfast and flashy neighbour.

He thinks about stopping at the convenience before going home and he blindly buys whatever he can think of without a shopping list however when it’s finally dinner time he realises he’s forgotten half of the basic necessities and he makes do with rice and vegetables. He’s not that hungry after the gigantic amount of food he ate at lunch anyways.

He hums some children song as he’s cooking. Rather than cooking, this is being careful that he’s not burning anything down, this time (cleaning the floor and washing his pyjamas have taken most of his evening).

He opens the window to avoid having too much smoke in his apartment. He looks to the side and watches as the sun sets behind the buildings and he takes a sip of the beer he opened to celebrate his successful first day.

Then he comes out. Wearing a shirt, this time. He’s holding a beer bottle of the same brand as Mark’s in his right hand and has an unlit cigarette in his mouth. They make eye contact and both freeze.

Mark wants to crawl behind the wall again but he knows he can’t escape, now. He lowers his gaze, takes another sip of his beer, plays with the sticky tag on it, watches as the stray cat chases after a rat or a mouse, tries to enjoy the fresh early spring breeze in peace.

It’s awkward. For the both of them, probably. Mark hears the sound of a lighter, a sigh, and suddenly smell of cigarette fill his nostrils. The neighbour clears his throat.

“Yo.” The guy says, voice surprisingly raspy. 

Mark lifts his eyes again.

 “I’m Wong Yukhei.” He greets, noticing Mark’s lack of reaction. “Nice to meet you?”

Mark snaps out of it and shakes his head like a wet dog. “Lee Mark. Nice to meet you.” he replies mechanically.

Yukhei exhales a puff of smoke on the side to avoid hitting Mark with it this time. He extends his hand, and Mark does the same. Mark reaches out more and more until their fingertips are brushing. It feels like an electric shock. Yukhei laughs wholeheartedly.

“I’m glad someone took over this place, or else that would have been lonely. An old granny used to live here with her cat. We used to chat from time to time but at the end of last year she moved to a retirement house.”

He adds that he is happy someone around his age is living there now, but that he will miss the small talks he had with her which helped him improve his Korean a lot.

“I’m from Hong Kong, I came here a year ago. I repeated the first year in this university because of my poor language skills. But I’m feeling more confident now, I’ll sure pass this year.”

Still, Yukhei speaks slowly and detaches every word carefully, as if afraid of making a mistake. This way of talking does not fit his overall tough appearance.

“That’s great! I mean, not to have been held back a year… But I have too, I was in medical school last year but I realised it wasn’t for me.”

“Oh so that means we’re same-age friends!” Yukhei exclaims enthusiastically, snapping his fingers.

Mark does not understand how this would matter to him since he did not even bother to talk to him formally in the first place but he takes it as an invitation to be more casual.

“What are you studying, now?”

Mark does not feel as comfortable revealing his life plans as he was with Renjun, so he settles for a basic answer. “I’m double-majoring in modern literature and history.”

“Oh! I’m majoring in history too! We must have some classes together!” he rejoices.

Everything seems to be a source of enjoyment and elation for Yukhei. He adds English words in his sentences to make a point. He smiles brightly and his mouth, much like the rest of his facial features, is outstanding. Very wide, very big, very _loud_. He adds something about hoping Mark doesn’t take Mr. Cho’s class since he’s very strict but Mark does not register his words properly. Something else is already on his mind, namely the fearful realisation that he left his food to cook by itself.

“Oh shit. Dinner.”

Yukhei bursts out laughing and almost spits his beer.

“Didn’t something similar happen this morning? And I distracted you too.”

Mark feels the heat rise to his cheeks.

What, now? Distracted?

He mumbles something, a bundle of words that don’t really go with each other, and checks the disaster.

“Okay, I’m gonna have to leave you, my guests will arrive soon. See you around, neighbour.”

Mark does not have time to look up, Yukhei is already gone.

He hates wasting food so he eats his overcooked rice with his overcooked vegetables as a side dish. In two or three weeks, he might get used to the bitter taste of burnt food.

Yukhei did not lie about having guests over. Mark can hear music when he’s still eating in the kitchen and can’t help but wonder who in the world throws a party on a Monday night, on the first day of the new semester.

This night, Mark writes a bit in his notebook but he falls asleep and stains his pillow with dark ink.

 

 

During the first week, Mark’s daily life settles into a routine. He likes order but he hates routine. The only thing breaking his rhythm are inspiration outbursts which overtake him at various times of the day. Every day he meets Renjun in the campus hall and they go to respective classes together. They eat lunch together and talk a lot. But since they share a lot of common interests, Mark doesn’t get bored.

He rides the bus home when classes end. He tries to cook, watches funny programs on TV, listens to music, writes, goes to sleep.

He talks to Yukhei in the evening, sometimes in the morning, when he’s in the kitchen and his neighbour is in his bedroom.

Mark can’t possibly get bored talking to Yukhei either. Anything he talks about becomes interesting thanks to his enthusiasm and goofy demeanour. In their conversations he speaks the most, but Mark is fine just listening (and watching, also). Yukhei is intimidating; he’s loud, funny and attractive, he draws you in, has a lot of friends and throw parties at his place almost every other day. Kind of fascinating.

“Oh yeah I throw parties at home from time to time? If it’s too loud, just call me, or throw a shoe at the window or something.”

_Noted._

“Did I tell you I was a student-athlete? I’m a sprinter. It’s one of the reasons I came here, because the university's track and field team is great and you're allowed to fit your schedule with competitions. I had a really high level when I was in high school but I got injured and stuff…”

He shows pictures of him with gold medals on his phone.

Mark just runs to stay in shape but he has never played any sport to a high level. Yukhei seems passionate about running a lot more than he is about studying although he doesn't appear very concerned about his own health (he drinks and smokes, unusual for an athlete).

All he wants is to be able to go back to regional and national competitions soon. Korea is merely just a place to escape the pressure he felt in Hong Kong.

Mark wishes he could say the same, recently he missed Canada a lot.

“You lived in Canada! _Oh_ _man_ , that’s great!! I’ve never went to Canada. I went to the States twice though. Living the life, if you ask me!”

On top of being an athlete, Yukhei modelled as a teenager, which gave him a lot of opportunities to travel. He already has a career, but Mark is still an aspiring writer and his work has yet to be discovered by anyone.

“Things like this take time, man. I’ve been really _lucky_. Once your time has come, your work will be recognized by everyone as it should. You said you haven’t published anything yet? Wait until you’re _ready_.”

Donghyuck has told him something similar a long time ago, when Mark was already dreaming of being an author. Hearing it now and from another mouth feels incredibly comforting.

“Thank you, Yukhei. Really.”

Yukhei flashes him a bright smile and winks. “You’re welcome. Anything for you, Mark.” Mark laughs. “You made the right choice coming here, I’m sure of it. I had doubts too because here, no one knows me as an athlete or a model, I’m back to square one. But I needed that.”

Wasn’t that what Mark did too? He left the path he was walking on and came to a place where he didn’t know anybody. Starting everything from scratch.

 

For now, whenever they see each other is from one window to another, both in different spaces, different worlds even, separated by a void they can't cross (yet). They still haven’t met on the campus, and even though they live at the same place, Yukhei has his own car and Mark takes the bus early. Mark feels like every single of his encounter with him is just an illusion and he feels strangely nostalgic thinking about the time they met and touched fingertips.

It’s only been a week.

How did he get accustomed to life here so fast?

Renjun tells him the exact same thing. “I didn’t expect to get accustomed to life here. It’s strangely…normal? This is how I expected college life to be. Though I guess we’ll get a ton of assignments very soon.”

Mark feels bad for Renjun who lives up the hill on the campus and can’t enjoy watching passerbys from his balcony or go for a walk in the park to draw some trees and ducks.

“By the way, are you coming to the welcoming party? It’ll be my first college party, I’m excited but also kind of scared of going alone.”

“The… The what?”

Mark goes to all of his classes but he for sure has never heard about such a thing.

“The welcoming party? I think that’s how it’s called? Mark, we received an e-mail from the student association…”

“Ah, well.” Mark scratches his head. He never reads his e-mails. “I must’ve missed it.”

“It’s in two weeks, on Saturday. New students from various majors are invited, and I checked both of ours are in the list. It’s organized in a bar in your city so I thought you’d come since it’s convenient.” Renjun explains, obviously expecting a positive answer from Mark.

“I’m not sure yet. I’ll probably come if we don’t get any new assignment until then.”

Renjun is disappointed by his answer but he tries not to let it show too much.

Mark does not particularly hate parties, he could probably say that he likes them too much even if most of them ended poorly during the past year. This is the type of things he should ask Donghyuck about.

 

 

Another week passes and Mark finally has his first History course. The lecturer, Mr. Cho draws minimalistic plans about war tactics on the old fashioned black board and makes big hand movements when he speaks. Mark can’t help but remember what Yukhei has told him about this class and disagree entirely. Thinking of the other, Mark’s eyes scan the lecture hall, looking for him. He’s sitting at the very back, lazily resting his head on his hand while staring blankly in front of him without taking any note.

From the way he rushes down the stairs to reach his level during the break, Mark assumes he has also spotted him earlier.

“Hey Mark, we finally meet here!”

The proximity of his voice sends a shiver down Mark’s spine. It feels strange seeing him outside of the apartment for the first time. Without truly obsessing, he can’t deny thoughts about meeting up with him have more than once filled his mind and apprehension grew as evenings of subtle flirting went by: jokes, winks, intense eye contact, smiles and compliments to which Mark often responds with the giggles, encouraging him to go on (he is a very good audience after all).

The actual encounter is nothing underwhelming: up close, Yukhei is taller and louder (towering him by a head and speaking with a tone that carry his words in the entire lecture hall).

They shake hands, free from all the awkwardness that usually spoil all of Mark’s first encounters. He’s almost disappointed not to feel an electric shock.

Yukhei rants about Mr. Cho for fifteen minutes and Mark doesn’t even have the will to argue against him, listening to him mixing up words and languages being entertaining enough.

He ditches his friends to come and eat lunch with him and Renjun. Mark introduces him as his neighbour. They click immediately and exchange words in mandarin and Mark feels a bit left out. Yukhei notices it soon enough and switches back to Korean.

“We were talking about here. I mean, the campus. I said I was an athlete and that I ran in the stadium and he told me he didn’t even know where it was. You live here, man!”

“I know, but I’ve never went further than the library! Have you, Mark?”

“No…” Mark replies, chuckling.

Yukhei is overly offended and begs them to come and watch the university’s track and field team practice once the season begins.

 

 

Once he gets home, Mark still hasn’t called Donghyuck and wonders if he should. It feels a bit strange to him that Renjun has known about Yukhei before his best friend, almost as if his hiding something.

He lies on his bed and plays with his phone in his hand, locking it and unlocking it, pondering whether the good advice he’ll receive will be worth all the snarky remarks sneaked in between.

A phonecall from his mother pulls him back to the ground. It’s the first time since he left.

_Minhyung-ah. Have you settled in? You don’t tell me or your father anything anymore. Freedom is just an illusion. You stole money from me, I know. It’s alright, don’t worry, I won’t tell your father. Not that it really matters, you could be homeless for all he cares now. Even though you chose this path yourself, don’t think it’s going to be a walk in the park, you can very much fail like you failed medical school. But I still believe in you. I believe you will come back to your senses. You can’t be mad at us forever, you know? We made your and your brother’s lives a nightmare, you said? When all we ever did was push you to become outstanding members of society? Don’t make me laugh. Your aunt visited us last Saturday. She asked about you and you dare saying nobody cares about your well-being in this family. I’ll keep sending money to you if you need it. Don’t say I don’t care, I want you to succeed._

They are not arguing but she is arguing with herself about things he already said and won’t dwell on.

Instead of calling Donghyuck, he goes to the kitchen, looking for entertainment outside the window. He can barely distinguish a form lying down the bed in Yukhei’s room. He’s reading a book (a manga, probably).

_Please please please. Open the window._

He waits until Yukhei sees him and when he does, he gladly comes out on the balcony.

“Hi Mark! How are you?”

“Meh. I had a tiring day.” Mark answers without giving any detail.

“I’d say that frown doesn’t suit you but it would be a blatant lie, you look cute.” Yukhei compliments him, adding a wink.

Mark can only laugh at how corny he is, and it is just one more trait to add to his already funny personality.

Though used to it since the very beginning he becomes more aware after meeting up face to face with him, even if this might simply be how Yukhei acts with everyone.

He knows he can always count on him for a good laugh. This time is no exception: Yukhei tells him some stories from when he was still living in Hong Kong and Mark is brought to tears from laughing so hard.

Until Yukhei brings up a story about his overprotective mother, Mark forgets everything.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO MAD YALL!!! The finger touching/electric shock thing!! I wrote this like a month ago!!!!! And then it happened in real life!! But since I’m super slow writing I didn’t publish it!!! Hjdjhhdjh who will believe me. Us writers have power over reality, what I mean is that [STATIC SOUND]  
> I’ve had this prompt in my head for a long time but I didn’t know which pairing would fit it the best. It was originally meant to be KunTen LOL I would have had 3 people reading ig. But Lumark… I think they fit it well too   
> This is starting slowly… I hope this is ok. I don’t know if you can expect fast updates either but I will do my best! See you!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Welcome back! POV switch, here we go!!!!!!! This chapter is shorter than the previous one. I hope you will enjoy it anyway~

Yukhei loves talking to Mark. He might even love it more than talking to the old lady who lived there before him.

“Wow, you like interacting with your cute twenty-year-old neighbour more than the seventy-something year old embittered old hag that used to live there before him?” Jungwoo begins, sipping the iced coffee he got at the cafeteria. “Shocking.”

“Don’t insult her, you know nothing. Also? Cute? You never met him. You sound like Sicheng, right now.”

Kim Jungwoo is in third year, studying literature and performing arts. He is a pole vaulter and met Yukhei through the university's track and field team. Usually, he is soft-spoken and reserved although his words can sound sharper than necessary.

“You told me about him and from what I heard, that just screams cute. Also I sneaked a peek when you invited me the other night. He was doing the dishes. Definitely cute.”

_Sip sip._

Jungwoo smiles innocently.

Yukhei hates this. He cannot argue. But there is so much more about his neighbour that make him interesting. He is a good listener. He listens to him ramble about his stories no matter how long, curving up his lips into a slight smile and looking at him with his cute round eyes, sparkling with mischief. And his damn cute laugh.

Maybe being cute was his main feature. Yukhei has not unlocked the rest (yet).

“By the way, have you heard about the welcoming parties taking place around there? There has been some last week-end, and three others take place on Saturday. One is in my city for biology and math students. One in yours, for literature, psych and other majors I think.”

“Really? Man we didn’t have that back in the day.”

“It was last year and you did? You threw your own alternative party because you thought it wouldn’t be fun enough.”

“Um? Oh! Yeah! You’re right. And nobody showed up.”

“Of course. What were you expecting?”

Yukhei laughs. “Nothing, really.”

“Do you think we can like, crash the party or something? They must offer free booze.” He then asks, suddenly getting an idea from Jungwoo’s information.

“I guess we could? But count me out. I have better things to do than taking care of the new students.”

_Then why did you suggest that in the first place?_ Yukhei wonders, but keeps his comment to himself. Jungwoo throws his empty cup of coffee in the trash and leaves for his class.

If he doesn’t want to come with him, Yukhei will ask other friends.

 

 

Yukhei meets Mark during Mr. Cho’s lecture. A year has passed and he still rubs him the wrong way. Mark is sitting a dozen of rows in front of him, diligently taking notes on a sheet of paper. Even knowing that Mark probably enjoyed the course, Yukhei can’t help but complain (and when he starts, he can’t stop, especially if Mark is laughing like that).

Seeing Mark face to face has opened Yukhei’s eyes. He’s nothing like the nerdy boy he could have expected at the beginning. This also shows that theories about literature students are most likely just myths.

_“About literature majors: They’re cute but also boring as hell. Nerds. Staying in library all day with a ton of books. Going for walks outside at night like bats. Not great as friends.” Explained Ten last year._

_“Just because your ex was a fucking weirdo doesn’t mean all of them are like that.” Someone replied._

(Yukhei remembers having to pull apart the two as they were getting into a fight).

First of all, Mark is not boring at all. Secondly, Mark is not a nerd. Yukhei knows because he swapped the glasses he often wears at home for contact lenses. Moreover, he’s quite dressed up for someone who is just coming to listen to a lecture, wearing skinny blue jeans and a pale yellow dress shirt. Yukhei on the other hand is wearing his usual tracksuit with a large t-shirt, being too lazy to find anything decent to wear in the morning. He feels a bit lacking for someone who bragged about modelling for designer clothes.

When Mark checks him out from head to toe, Yukhei wonders if it’s because of his height or because of his ugly outfit (even if he’s convinced Mark is not someone who judges on appearances anyway).

All of this theory is proven wrong: Mark is definitely great as a friend.

Yukhei opened to him about his life projects, and he did the same. He is studious and loves learning but he did not say anything judgemental when Yukhei admitted getting a degree was just a formality and that he only cared about sports competitions.

Usually people get tired of his constant joking pretty fast; Mark still laughs with all of his body, he bends over and hits his shoulder with his fist, almost hard enough to hurt.

_Damn cute._ (Yukhei likes to play around and act flirty with people who seem interested in him and Mark indulges him by flirting back, using this very same _damn cute_ laugh as a weapon).

Overall, he was mostly glad to get along with a same-age friend.

 

 

He talks to him later that day, and when the shorter boy confides to him that he is tired, he knows he has to pull one of his funniest high school stories out of his memories. He tells him about the time his friends dared him to climb on top of the school building.

“And I was up around like the second floor thinking “I’m going to fucking die!” but then that one guy at the bottom yelled “think about your dog!” and that worked!! I mean, I was like “you’re right!!! Who’s gonna take care of her if I’m not here!!”.”

Mark is laughing and crying at the same time.

“Oh my God. In any case, that’s super dangerous…” he says, wiping his tears.

“Tell me about it! My parents were so _mad_! My mom grounded me for a month, I only saw the light of day to go to school.” Yukhei remembers. “My parents have always been super protective of me, especially my mother. Treating me like I’m five. I know I’m not very smart but still…! I don’t know, I think they thought I was precious because I was good at sports and that they had to preserve it?”

“True, trying to climb a school building was not a very smart thing to do!” Mark comments. Yukhei calls him a goody-two-shoes.

He is not sure himself what might be the reason behind his parents’ protectiveness. He pinches his chin, reflecting on his own sentence.

When he got injured during a tournament, the situation worsened. Though he just needed time to heal and was trying to be optimistic about it, it was like the world was collapsing around them. He moved away as far as he could. He had to get away from them, even if they had always been caring and nice to him.

“I wanted to practice in peace and live my own life, you feel me? That’s the other reason why I came to Korea.”

Mark looks thoughtful. Yukhei has never held a grudge against them, nor did he thought they harmed him in any way. Their support has always been meaningful to him. What drew him away was his own craving for freedom and the need to prove he could succeed anywhere. Yes, probably, merely just pride.

“They’re still clingy but only on the phone and in my bank account. Can’t really complain about that last one, I can ask for what I want.” Yukhei takes a step back and rests his back against the wall, looking up at the small portion of sky appearing between the two buildings. “Your folks must be the same kind.”

“What makes you think that?”

From his tone to his fading smile, Yukhei knows he hit a nerve.

“I… Don’t know? They’re not?” he stammers.

“Not really. I’d say it’s quite the opposite. If your parents care too much, mine just don’t care enough. They seemed like they did until I stopped doing what they wanted.” Mark looks down and shrugs. “They’re still supporting me from afar but I doubt they’re anything like yours.”

Yukhei nods silently. For some reason, he assumed Mark had a family that babied him a lot. One more reason to stop judging on appearances and preconceptions.

“In some way, we’re similar, though.” Mark adds. “I’ve been meaning to live my own life by coming here. And I want to show them I can succeed by doing what I want.”

“That’s the spirit!” Yukhei yells a little too loud, his voice echoing within the narrow alley.

A few days ago, Mark needed reassurance about the validity of his ambitions. Now he seems back on the right track, radiating positivity and ready to surpass himself out of pride only. Yukhei feels even closer to him after knowing they both share this sin.

“I guess I assumed your parents were like mine because I often see you on the phone. I thought it was them calling you.” Yukhei admits (shamefully, it was as if he was telling Mark he observed him through the window, but Mark does not seem to take notice).

“No, that’s not them… That was probably me talking to Donghyuck. He’s my best friend.”

He is more to Mark than the band of friends with whom Yukhei was always hanging out in high school. They have known each other for a long time and, from Mark’s soft tone, it’s obvious that he holds this person dear. Yukhei thinks such a friend must compensate for parents’ lack of involvement.

To the contrary, he has a lot of friends but never had anyone close enough to call him every week to ask how he is now that he left their side. He used to see them every day, now they barely talk seriously. They would rather exchange messages from time to time, more often sending funny pictures than sharing their life problems.

Because of his friendly nature, it’s easy for him to engage in conversation with someone and he hardly ever feels lonely; however he happens to miss his old acquaintances sometimes.

His real friends all live in Korea, now.

“Have you talked about me?” Yukhei asks out of curiosity. He wonders if he is the type of encounters Mark speaks about to his best friend.

“To Donghyuck? I haven’t.” (he is unable to hide his disappointment so Mark corrects himself) “I was planning to, though.”

“Please do! I’m sure I’d be friends with your best friend.”

“Maybe?”

Mark smiles and somehow, his vague answers transforms Yukhei’s mere curiosity into a challenge and the need to prove himself right.

“We’ll see, one day.”

 

 

 

Mark is unsure why the subject of his conversation with Yukhei drifted towards Donghyuck, but it reminded him he meant to call him, which is what he does once his neighbour leaves to go eat dinner.

He tells his friend about his mother briefly. However, since he feels better after talking to Yukhei he does not want to talk about it with him friend anymore. Thankfully he doesn’t pry.

“I had my first college party last week-end!” Donghyuck declares proudly, changing subject. Mark feels adrenaline rushing through his body as if he was announcing him that he was getting engaged.

“What? How was it?!”

“Crazy. We played some weird initiation games. Overall I had fun.”

Donghyuck talks with the sufficent tone of schoolchildren in elementary school acting as if their knowledge is too much to handle for the 1st graders.

“Glad to hear that…”

“Didn’t you go out at all since you’re there?”

“Nope. I’m still wondering if I should go to the welcoming party next Saturday.”

(There, finally, he asked him.)

“And you’re asking me? Of course you should. I heard you can get pretty wild when you drink.”

“Please. It happened twice, I’m not that bad.”

“You did manage to get yourself a perfect devoted boyfriend in just one night. What drunk Mark wants, drunk Mark gets. The power of Thot Mark-”

Mark tries to stop Donghyuck multiple times within his sentence but eventually gives up as the other keeps running his mouth louder and louder and adds more nonsense. However, he has a point. Mark is probably _that_ bad and this is the exact reason why he shouldn’t go to that party (God knows what could happen and he has already too much to deal with).

“I’ll pass.” Mark concludes.

“You’re no fun. Like Jeno. Oh by the way, this guy said hi. The other day he met my college friend Jaemin for the first time and I lost two friends in one go. They began conversing together and it was like I didn’t exist anymore. Ungrateful brats.”

“Well something similar happened to me, Yukhei met Renjun and they talked in mandarin. I just sat there.” Mark relates, laughing as he recalls the memory.

“Oh, who’s that Yukhei? Another friend?”

Donghyuck repeats the name four times to get the pronunciation right.

“Yes, my neighbour also.”

“I can tell from the tone of your voice that you’re into him.” (Mark tries to interrupt him again, in vain.) “I can even guess how he looks. Probably quite tall, loud, makes a lot of jokes-“

He has always been more open and comfortable about Mark’s sexuality than Mark himself.

“Can you, _please_ …”

“Relax. It’s okay to find someone attractive. It doesn’t hurt anybody. Stop beating yourself up about it and enjoy.”

Mark enjoys it fully, never missing an opportunity to talk with the other. But he can’t just tell that to Donghyuck.

 

 

After meeting up with him at the campus for the first time, he keeps bumping into Yukhei the days that follow. They hang out after lectures and go back to their conversation from the previous evening.

Yukhei shows him around the campus ‘secret’ places he likes going to in order to breathe and relax: the forgotten computer room, the yard at the back of the library, the roof of the secondary building. It feels like he is showing him a part of himself that no one else knows about, he’s slicing himself open, and only Mark can see what’s inside. He feels absurdly excited about the idea of being a priviledged friend for Yukhei.

This week goes by even faster than the previous ones.

Although he was supposed to make up his mind about the party, on Friday night he’s doubting again, thinking about Renjun’s initial demand. His thoughts are distracting him when he’s taking another shot at cooking. He’s interrupted by a phone call which he puts on speaker next to him.

“Hello?”

“Minhyung-ah, your father collapsed.”

Rattling sounds drown his mother’s voice so Mark is not completely sure he understood well.

He turns the gas off and picks up the phone hurriedly. “What? He- is he okay?” he stutters.

“Yes. He’s still in the hospital, they think he must have eaten something bad. They plan on keeping him for a short while in order to do a full check-up.”

“Oh. Alright.”

“Alright?”

“I mean, he’s okay, right? That could have been way worse, so I’m relieved.”

“That could have been worse but your father got really scared. He’s lamenting that neither of his sons are here to give him support.”

“I’m sorry.”

Mark is not completely sure why he is apologizing for something that is not his fault.

“Even if you can’t come, why don’t you talk to him over the phone? You never call him.”

_Just what in the world would I tell him?_

“You’re the one who calls me, and you never offered me to talk to him.” Mark points out, feeling courageous.

She doesn’t answer.

“Does he even want to talk to me? Does he have anything to do with me anymore?” he asks, more to himself than to her.

“Listen, one of you has to make a move toward the other! We can’t live like this, a family where nobody talks to each other is not a family!”

“Sorry…”

“And your brother! He’s in jail, now! That stupid child!”

“What? In jail?”

She does not give him time to process and attacks him again with her impossible request: “Please, talk to your father now.”

“No, mom, I promise I’ll call him later.”

“Just do it now”

“I’m making dinner right now, I’ll call back.”

Mark hears female voices through the phone telling his mom that she should not enter the room at the moment. His vision is blurring.

“My husband has to speak to his son!” his mother yells in his ear. “Here.”

His mother’s voice is more distant as the phone moves away from her and is placed is someone else’s hand.

“Minhyung?”

Upon hearing his father’s voice, Mark hangs up and throws his phone against the wall. He’s breathing heavily and slowly his vision turns clear again. He feels like a teenager who is going through a rebelling phase and cannot control his mood swings, making his parents’ life a nightmare. Wasn’t it supposed to be the opposite? He regrets his words and actions. Anyway, talking to his father right now is beyond anything he can do.

Shaking, he grabs his phone, relieved it was fully protected by its case.

He texts Donghyuck about it. His fingers are still trembling and he makes a lot of typos, but it’s okay, he will understand (he always does).

**[Just go to that fucking party, dammit.]**

Mark knows he can always count on Donghyuck for good advice.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, sorry about that… I was initially planning to make this and the next chapter a single update but I thought it was getting REALLY LONG, and there was a change of rhythm that pissed me off.  
> So next chapter is already written down, but I’ll wait a little before publishing it and advance a bit in the rest of the story!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! it is I again. I had trouble revising this chapter for some reason. I kept finding mistake over mistake it was frustrating...

Mark invites Renjun to his apartment on Saturday afternoon before they leave together for the festivities. The younger boy looks around his place with stars in his eyes like a kid in an amusement park.

“Wow hyung, that’s so cool, that’s so much better than my cramped dorm room!”

He goes out on the balcony and let the wind mess his hair up.

“I should take the bus and come down the hill sometimes, this place is nice. I’m too lazy.”

“You really should. Especially to the park downtown.”

“There’s a park? Lucky.”

Renjun follows Mark back into the living room and sits on the couch.

“I’ve got something for you.”

He hands Mark the folder he was carrying and opens it, revealing an oil painting. It represents a wide shot of a sunset over a calm sea, with a single person running on the beach, right in the middle.

“That’s for me?”

“I saw that in a dream. It oddly reminded me of you, so I had to paint it. And now it’s yours.”

The figure is alone yet the scenery does not give off any feeling of loneliness. Renjun’s attention touches Mark deeply.

He doesn’t know what to say and feels a bit overwhelmed. The last time he felt this way was in high school when Donghyuck recorded a song cover and dedicated it to him. However this time he does not have anything to offer in return. Renjun assures him that it’s okay, that he is simply grateful for finding Mark on that faithful first college day.

To Mark also, this encounter means a lot. This is why he felt like he had to accompany him tonight. And since his apartment is close, Mark tells Renjun he can come back here if he can’t go home to the dorms after the party.

 

 

They leave his place around 10PM after eating a snack together – Renjun insisted to cook for them both – and reach the bar a little early.

Mark has changed into a black tank top and tight jeans. He’s wearing black eyeliner and glitter dust on his face, it’s a habit he picked last year since people kept telling him he looked good with all of it. Renjun opted for something more sober, with a simple short sleeved shirt and no makeup. The only visible fantasy is the black sign on his forearm, courtesy of the fresher initiation rituals. Renjun had to go through it as a resident of the campus, and it is probably not over yet: the welcoming party must be its climax. Mark sure is glad not to be a part of this.

The younger is quick to jump into the group of people who came dancing in the area refitted for the purpose under the neon lights after their first beer. Mark is not as eager since he knows all of that already.

The bar quickly fills with students, most of them looking enthusiastic and ready to waste their night away. Mark learns that working-age adults do exist in this city, and that they all work behind closed doors.  Hotels, bars, banks, the giant office towers at the other end of the city.

He orders a watermelon margarita, disposed to enjoy his night observing a new sample of people.

“Hey, you!”

Mark is startled. When he turns around he sees a short girl flashing him a bright smile. She is wearing a high waisted skirt and her hair is styled in two buns on each side of her head.

“You’re new here aren’t you? I’ve never seen your face before.”

Mark only hums as a response and watches as she pulls a sit next to him. Her way of talking is way bolder than her appearance may suggest.

“I’m Kim Yerim, by the way. You can call me Yeri.”

She extends her hand, stretching it open confidently.

“I’m Mark.” He answers, making a face when he feels her strong grip on his hand.

She begins to explain that she is a student in psychology in second year in charge of organizing events in the student association, including the welcoming party and orientation week. Her eyes light up when he tells her that he is the same age as her. She proceeds to tell him that an unofficial purpose of this party is to make the new students comfortable, allow them to meet each other and show them how much fun they can have in the surroundings of the campus. She does not mention the hazing from the dorms though Mark is sure she knows something about it since she quickly checks his forearm.

“Yes, this welcoming party is coming a bit late but we had to separate the various majors so there wouldn’t be too many students. Anyways, you probably had time to meet some people at the campus! Unfortunately I didn’t.”

He looks for Renjun in the crowd from afar, ready to call him, but the younger is definitely gone, drowned by the youth.

“Good evening, my fair lady.”

Yeri and Mark turn around at the same time.

“Oh, hi Yukhei!! What are you doing here? This is for the new students.”

“I’m here for the free booze. And I’m still a first year.”

Yukhei is wearing plain large blue jeans and a white T-shirt with short sleeves rolled all the way above his shoulders. The black neon light reflecting on it makes him stand out even more than by his looks alone.

For a few seconds, Mark is mesmerized. His mouth feels dry so he takes a sip of his margarita, detailing Yukhei’s body while he speaking to Yeri.

“Speaking of which, Mark, here’s Yukhei, he's another 99 liner in your year—”

“Yeah, yeah he knows.” Yukhei interrupts her, patting Mark’s shoulder.

“Oh..? You guys know each other already?”

“We're neighbours.”

“Oh that’s great, small world! Well, you wanted to be a part of this, right? I have a bunch of people still left to meet so I’m leaving Mark in your care.”

Yeri winks at them before rushing to the sea of people on the dancing area.

Mark believes she and Donghyuck would be good friends.

“So, Mark. How’s the evening so far?”

Yukhei sits in Yeri’s place and orders a draught beer.

“Pretty good actually. But Renjun has left me to rot at the bar to go have fun.”

“Uh. That sucks. I can keep you company if you want me to.”

 _Oh yes please stay_ , Mark catches himself thinking.

“What about your friends?” he asks instead.

“Since it’s a party for the new promotion of students most of them didn’t come. As I said I'm here for the free booze they’re offering to the members of the association!”

The free booze was only the first drink and Mark assumes it’s the one he has just ordered since the barman crosses his name off the list much like he did with him earlier. Considering Yeri’s reaction, he doubts Yukhei is part of the association so he asks him how he got his name there.

“A friend of mine is part of the association and gave me and invitation. He didn’t want to go at all.”

Mark wonders if it’s a coincidence or if he specifically chose this party to crash in. He hopes it’s not.

He proceeds to tell something similar to Yeri’s claims. He used to think this place was boring but has long since changed his mind.

“See, Mark, bored students, a bunch of places to drink downtown, BOOM, perfect combo.”

Yukhei seems even more enthusiastic than usual. His smile is glowing in the dim light. He illustrates his words gesturing a big explosion with his hands. It makes Mark laugh though he wants to argue that encouraging students to party and drink might not be the healthiest way of fulfilling them. Mark takes another mouthful of his drink.

“Hey Xuxi, how long are you going to take to bring us our drinks?” a guy interrupts their conversation, leaving the crowd and approaching them.

“Look, Ge, he didn’t waste any time.” another says, eyeing Mark as he stumbles on his own feet.

“Oooh. I see. Just text us next time. We'll get out drinks ourselves.”

“Guys, guys. There’s a misunderstanding. He’s my new neighbour.” Yukhei clarifies.

“Oh. Sorry, sorry.” The man, tall and slender, approaches Mark and bows deeply, wobbling and almost falling up front before Yukhei catches his arm.

“Kun ge, make sure Sicheng ge makes it home in one piece. He seems pretty wasted.”

“He might have had too many drinks already. Look, I’m not his parent.”

“Never said you were...”

“Xuxiiii...” The drunk guy named Sicheng climbs on Yukhei. “You should know by now. I’m NEVER too drunk.”

However Mark can clearly see he is. He wonders how he can be in this advanced state of intoxication when it’s only half past eleven. They begin speaking in Mandarin and he gets lost in their conversation.

“You don’t introduce us Xuxi?” the sober guy then demands in Korean.

“Oh, my bad. Here is Qian Kun. He’s on his way to get a master degree in pilosophy (Kun makes a peace sign) and that crackhead is Dong Sicheng and I’m still not entirely sure I know what the fuck he’s doing here.” Yukhei explains hurriedly.

He is visibly embarrassed and Mark knows it’s because he has been caught lying at his face, saying his friends were not around. He can only laugh at his sudden change of attitude.

“You’re so meaaaan.”

“He’s majoring in modern literature.” Kun answers for Sicheng, trying to get rid of him who is fake-sobbing into his shirt.

“So we're doing the same thing!” Mark claims and Sicheng's face lights up. “I’m Mark Lee by the way.”

“How was I supposed to know, he shows up to the campus like once a month when he feels like it. I only ever see him when he's at the club or head-first in my toilet.” Yukhei sulks.

“Not sure you can talk about attendance, sir.” Kun remarks. “Anyways... now we're here I guess we'll get our drinks and... (He finally succeeds in pushing the other away) uh... leave you guys alone.”

Mark is sure Yukhei is blushing because he rushes a hand on his face to hide it as a reflex.

“Yeah so. You saw my friends. We met at the campus and we got close because they’re Chinese and all...”

To lighten the atmosphere, he explains to him that “Xuxi” is his name is Mandarin and that most of his friends actually use it.

Mark doesn’t answer, he is too busy marvelling about Yukhei embarrassment from being caught red handed. He glances at him and Yukhei smirks and shrugs, addressing him a knowing look. Obviously, Yukhei wanted to spend the night with him just as much.

The prospect of spending his night watching people dance and have fun and waiting for Renjun does not seem as appealing to Mark as it was before. Staring at his empty Margarita glass and at the other’s own empty drink, he stands up.

“Let's dance?”

Yukhei does not let him ask twice. He stands up and wraps his arm around Mark’s waist, dragging him into the group of people dancing their life away, and making his heart jump in his chest in the process.

There, the music is louder, it resonates in Mark's chest and bones. He feels like he’s entering some sort of trance, akin to everyone else moving around him. He leaves his own body, and floats around the room full of heated bodies.

 

 

 

 

Yukhei sees Mark raise his arms and let his body feel the music. His bare slender arms move perfectly with the rhythm.

He came here initially out of curiosity and was excited to meet his cute neighbour in another context expecting possible drunken storytelling or even drunken flirting, since he seems to enjoy it so much. What he did not expect was for Mark to look so stunning just sitting at the bar; his eye makeup, his apparent melancholy, his voice raised slightly to cover the music. He knew what he was doing. Curiosity is just an understatement, it is attraction and _it has_ to be mutual (who else would Mark look so good for, if not for him?).

And now Mark is dancing and he has gone far, far away from him. He has told him about loving music and Yukhei can clearly see it: it is as if he forgot who or where he is. He feels left out so he can’t help but get closer and closer to him until his chest hits the other’s shoulders.

Mark is so immersed in his dancing that he does not notice him at first but when he does, he’s so startled that Yukhei has to catch him to avoid bumping in the group of girls dancing behind him.

Yukhei apologizes for startling him but he is not sure he can hear it. He bursts into a laughter and Mark does the same. It’s a soundless laugh not even them can hear over the music. Mark hits his arm when he laughs and as always, Yukhei finds it cute.

Mark seems to be in his element since they stepped into the dancing area together, and Yukhei is glad to be able to make him feel more comfortable. He’s merely doing the job that Yeri gave him: welcoming the new student (other new students approach Yukhei, attracted by his looks, they chat with him but he cuts their conversation short).

After dancing for a while, they go back to the bar and take a shot together.

“Man, you’re a real _dancing machine_!” he tells him.

“Yeah! I mean” Mark scratches his head, unsure of how to take the compliment. “I really let myself go with the flow when I dance like that. I end up shutting down people who want to get closer to me. I know it’s supposed to be a social gathering in the first place but I didn’t talk to anybody.”

“Oh well, but I could get close to you and you talked to me, so it’s alright.”

“Yeah, I didn’t want it to be anyone else anyway.”

His response to his joke makes Yukhei feel strange inside. Every second, tension between them is getting thicker.

Mark smiles, passes a hand through his hair and complains about suddenly feeling oppressed and needing some fresh air. Yukhei accompanies him outside and takes the opportunity to light up a cigarette, keeping his distance with Mark.

“Should we go somewhere else?” he suggests since he has no desire to come back into the bar amongst other first years.

“Do you know a place?”

“If I know a place? I know many. There’s that one club, it’s not too far from here but it’ll be quite a long walk home.”

“Let’s go there.” Mark answers immediately.

 

 

When they reach the club, they don’t have much trouble entering because Yukhei is known there. They order a fancy cocktail and share it before going back to dancing. Mark does not seem as far and as closed as before, it’s almost the opposite, as if he is over-aware of his surroundings. He’s looking directly at Yukhei with drunken and dazed eyes even when dancing with somebody else. Flashes intermittently light up his pretty face and Yukhei feels something different each time. The club is even busier than the bar and they are irremediably pushed against one another, their chests are pressed together, their foreheads brush. The tension is about as high as the temperature in the room. Mark takes a step back.

They go back to the bar to order another drink and chat a bit about college parties and bad encounters. Even though his speech is slightly slurred, Mark does not seem any different, so Yukhei wonders why everything he did appeared so sexy and provocative. It hits him that it might only be his own perception.

Eventually Mark has to go to the bathroom, leaving him alone at the bar with this thought which hurts his pride.

“Hey, Xuxi.” Yukhei watches as Sicheng rests his whole body on the bar.

He stares at him. “What are you doing here?”

“I left the other place a while ago. Kun was starting to get suffocating... always patronizing me... Such a killjoy. You know this word in Korean? It’s _killjoy_. Haha.”

Yukhei can’t help but wonder how worried the poor guy must be.

“It's for your own good.” He lowers his tone while intending to sound firm and clear. “Listen. I won’t walk you home. I'm not even calling you a taxi. You’ll take care of yourself and carry your own pretty little ass home. Ok?”

At this, Sicheng just laughs. His elbow slips off the bar and he almost loses balance before facing Xuxi and reminding him that he’s actually the oldest and that he knows what he’s doing. Right after, he orders another shot and the bartender grumbles but serves him anyway (Sicheng flashed him his prettiest smile).

“I know you want to get in little Mark… Mark? Yeah Mark’s pants. It’s obvious.”

Yukhei mumbles, and interrupts him with a “shut up”.

“It’s the first time you’d go this far with a guy.” Sicheng adds.

“So what if I want to give it a try? You wish that were you?”

“Don’t flatter yourself, you ugly monkey.” He says after emptying his glass in one go. “I won’t get in your way. But what are you doing here? When he’s obviously been waiting for you in the bathroom all this time.”

Yukhei freezes. He can’t really process what his friend has just said. Some guy approaches them.

“Winwin, there you are.”

Yukhei thinks he knows this voice, and he knows this face too, maybe, but he can’t link any of it to a clear memory or a precise encounter. Sicheng leaves with him and he’s just left here with his thoughts, again.

He empties his drink and heads to the bathroom. Mark is there, one hand on the sink to stabilize himself as he’s putting eyeliner on. He jumps when he sees Yukhei and messes up his left eye.

“Shit. Yukhei?”

Yukhei does not answer. He gets closer to him to get a better look at the new Mark standing up before him. Smudged makeup, messy hair, it looks like Mark tried his best to cover up his tiredness from the night. It’s sexy, in an endearing way. Or maybe endearing, in a sexy way. Yukhei doesn’t know. He doesn’t care.

Mark maintains eye contact and the big, round eyes in which he can see the world tell tonight another story. It occurs to Yukhei that pride is not the only sin they share.

Mark’s hands play with his belt buckle, he’s ready to take it off but he keeps twisting his fingers around the metal piece as if it’s an intricate and complicated puzzle. Heat radiates through Yukhei’s entire body. Blood rushes south. His back hits the sink. Mark is winning.

“Mark.” He calls.

Mark, who never broke eye contact in the first place, tilts his head to the side and smiles slightly. Their faces are an inch away and Yukhei is the one who breaks contact to let his glance travel to the other’s lips.

He places his hands on Mark’s shoulders with a little more strength than intended. The latter collapses a bit under his weight and stops moving his hands. Yukhei closes the space between them.

He stopped asking himself a thousand questions. Lips hit lips and teeth hit teeth. Mark’s hand tightens around his belt and pulls him closer while Yukhei lets his hands wander down Mark’s waist and rest on the small of his back.

Mark parts his lips to gasp and Yukhei slips his tongue inside his mouth. Mark tastes of alcohol and it mixes strangely with his fruity cologne. He deepens the kiss; tongue hits tongue.

It’s only when Mark moans in protest that he realises how tight his grip has become on the shorter boy’s waist. He tries to get away from his embrace by pushing him away, both hands now on his chest. Yukhei breaks the kiss reluctantly and loosens a bit.

A trickle of saliva runs down the corner of Mark’s slightly parted mouth. On this instant, Yukhei wants to replace every single memory of his past lovers and one-night stands, every single person he’s ever been with, by this picture of Mark Lee.

_Oh, I want all of you._

“It hurt…”

Yukhei does not really take notice and goes for another kiss, messier this time, and reciprocated. They incline their heads, following each other's slow rythm.

Suddenly they hear footsteps and voices outside the bathroom. They have to stop, Mark looks slightly panicked and Yukhei knows he has to do something. He pushes him all the way back to the closest stall and locks them in.

Two men enter the bathroom, they chat a bit, do what they need to do, leave.

Yukhei does not care about being seen. He has witnessed worse than two people making out in a club’s bathroom. He did it for Mark. Mark who is sitting on the toilet unbothered, back at playing with his belt, unbuckling it entirely. He then drags Yukhei down by his shirt with his free hand and kisses him. His hand finally slips in his jeans and feels his half erect member.

“Did this turn you on?” Yukhei growls against his lips as he feels Mark touching him gently. “Did the guys walking in turn you on?”

“…Maybe. You’re hard.”

Mark lowers Yukhei’s jeans and boxers at once, just enough to free his cock and wrap his hand around it. He begins to stroke it loosely and pecks the tip before raising almost innocent eyes towards Yukhei who feels himself grow harder under his touch.

No. No. Mark is winning again.

He quickly grabs Mark under the arms and lifts him up, causing him to stand and let go of his cock. Yukhei then pushes him against the tiled wall and forcefully kiss him, catching his wrists to stop him from doing anything more. Mark chuckles in the kiss, however it sounds more embarrassed than mocking.

“I’m sorry… about that.” Mark says, struggling to find the right words for his absurd apology. “Don’t be mad.”

Yukhei did not want to seem mad. He’s just drunk, urged, horny and frustrated, and his body reacts faster than he can think.

_I’m the one who should be embarrassed._

“Stop torturing me, hm? See how you make me feel?” he grumbles, tormenting Mark by feinting irritation.

He shoves his knee between Mark’s legs, rubbing it against his crotch, earning a whine from the shorter male. He kisses his cheeks and trails down his jaw and neck, nibbling it gently.

“See all that? It’s your own fault. We’re in this situation…All because of you…” Yukhei then says, failing to keep the tough act on as he giggles his way through the end of the sentence.

Mark laughs at him and playfully hits his chest as his grip on his wrists loosens.

They’re kissing again. The taste is enticing.

A guy enters the bathroom and Mark’s hand is back to stroking Yukhei’s length. In response, Yukhei presses his knee against him some more, slowly rubbing his crotch. Mark bites his bottom lip, trying hard not to let his voice out while teasing him further. Seeing as he holds it in just fine, he goes for a different approach and bites his exposed neck. Yukhei lets out a grunt of surprise, loud enough to catch the attention of the stranger.

“Ew, gross.” He says before exiting.

Both laugh, and Yukhei thinks he’s starting to get addicted to Mark’s drunken giggles.

Mark finally lets his voice out when Yukhei grinds against him again. His moans are loud and he sounds like he’s in pain, suffocating even, and part of Yukhei wants to free him from his tight jeans, while the other enjoys watching him whine and desperately try to get more friction.

Soon enough, Mark is the one rubbing himself against his leg like a horny puppy. His hand stopped working so Yukhei wraps his hand around his on his cock and begins stroking himself. His own voice gets louder against his will as he feels himself getting closer to release, stimulated by the other’s elation.

He cums first, all over his hand and Mark’s, as well as the latter’s jeans. Seconds later, Mark’s movements become more and more erratic and he clenches on Yukhei’s shirt as he releases in his pants. He’s shaking and suddenly weighing a ton on Yukhei who still has him pressed against the wall. His legs aren’t supporting him anymore and although Yukhei has to deal with his own post-orgasmic drain, he helps Mark out of the stall. He washes his hands and wipes the front of Mark’s pants with toilet paper.

“It’s so dirty and wet I need to take this off…”

Mark rushes back to the stall, stumbling and still unsure on his legs like a fawn.

“Want me to help you?”

“No, it’s fine. I can do it myself.”

Yukhei laughs at Mark’s sudden coyness and stays outside. He stares at his reflection under the blinking neon light. He sees double.

Mark comes out of the stall a few minutes later after most likely cleaning the mess in his pants. They leave the bathroom to go back in the main hall. Since neither of them has enough energy left to go dancing, they silently agree to take one last shot before leaving for good.

When they have walked far enough from the night club, the streets are dead quiet and it feels like they’re both alone in the world. Mark can’t walk straight but he keeps some distance with Yukhei. Yukhei walks on autopilot a path he knows by heart now.

“I can call a taxi, there are still a few miles left to walk.”

“Yes, please…”

Mark sounds exhausted and Yukhei is secretly relieved because he is too.

The ride home is just as quiet. Mark mumbles thanks for keeping him company all night. All Yukhei can think of as a response is thanking him for making him experience the most sexual tension filled night of his life. Mark smirks before looking out of the window.

Just to be sure, when they reach their block, Yukhei walks Mark to his floor in his building. He struggles with his keys and when he finally manages to open the door, he gives Yukhei a kiss on the cheek before rushing inside and closing the door at his face.

_You had my dick in your hand an hour ago, dumbass._

Every time Mark took an initiative, he seemed to look back at it seconds later to panic and retreat. It looks like he’s at war with himself.

When he’s out on the street again, ready to enter the neighbouring building, his phone vibrates in his pocket.

Seeing Sicheng’s name appear on the screen, Yukhei declines the call and goes home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Things kinda escalated. Right. This is what happens when you let tension rise up like that, flirting, flirting... LOL Hope you enjoyed it. I know i still have a long way to go to be able to write good heated scenes.
> 
> Anyways, i have a question about the rating: do you think i should change it to Explicit? I actually picked Mature on purpose since this fic is not a pwp but I don't want anyone to be disappointed to find some (not so well written) porn in it.


	4. Chapter 4

Mark wakes up fully clothed on his bed. It takes a while for him to realise that he is in his room. The walls are white and bare, the same as they were when he first arrived, except for Renjun’s painting hanged right in front of him. They are moving by themselves and the ceiling lamp is drawing a wave.

His mouth is incredibly dry and he tries to swallow dust, when he straightens up his brain and heart jump at the same time and he has to use all the strength in his body to move out of bed. He curses himself for not knowing his own limits, and he just has to accept this as his punishment.

It’s around 1PM when he reads the time on his phone. Donghyuck has called twice already. Mark can barely move a muscle, let alone handle a conversation with his best friend.

He takes medication to help the pain and drinks water as if each ounce of liquid could make one of the forgotten memories from the night before re-appear.

At first, he only remembers spending the night with Yukhei, leaving the bar where the party took place to go to a club. They danced, talked, laughed and drank a lot but the details remain a blur. However, a hot shower helps him piece the night back together, up to the later events. He does not even feel shame, even though he knows he probably should, because he enjoyed every second of it. He checks the window to see if he can distinguish a familiar face but the curtains are rolled down.

Disappointed, he decides to call Donghyuck.

“Mark? Hello? How do you feel?”

“Absolutely terrible, thanks for asking.”

“Yeah I figured, since you’re only calling back now. Did Thot Mark make his comeback?”

“Stop calling me that, please...”

“‘Me’? Come on, I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt here.”

“Yes, ‘me’. I’ve never done a single thing I didn’t want to while drunk. Though said things might be stupid, I admit.”

Mark is trying hard to sound confident but looking back at what he has done, he is not sure it is anything to be proudly showing off. He just gave in to his desires.

“Such as seducing an upperclassman? A roommate?”

“A neighbour...”

Mark can hear Donghyuck wheezing behind his phone.

“No hot roommate? No problem! Let’s fuck the hot neighbour instead.” He teases between hiccups.

“Shut up, oh my god. Nothing of the sort happened. We were just drunk, haha.”

“‘Haha’ gosh you’re so entertaining. I really hope you had a lot of fun.”

“I did. Thank you.”

The situation is indeed quite funny and Mark would probably laugh too if it was not about. His first college party the year before went about the same way. He got drunk and hooked up with his roommate in a club’s bathroom. They fell in love and dated, and all.

“Also I met a girl, Kim Yerim. I’m sure you guys would get along.”

“I have a girlfriend now, you know…”

“You—what? Excuse me?”

“My Nintendo Switch finally got repaired, you bet I spend all my free time with this baby.”

“Oh. Okay. For a second I really thought you’ve been hiding something from me.”

“I would never.”

Mark lets out a relieved sigh. He is not relieved that Donghyuck was not hiding anything from him, he is relieved because this means his friend is not growing up too fast without him. It’s a stupid, selfish way of thinking, and Donghyuck could have perfectly been thinking the same thing for a long time. Every time he told him about his college adventures when he was still in high school, actually.

Mark has no idea how Donghyuck feels about it. He never complained and always listened to him. Now they are only talking over the phone, telling stories to each other as their lives are progressing separately, he starts to get the feeling he would rather talk about fond childhood memories instead. They are walking on two parallel paths which are never meant to converge, and naturally some information also has to be retained on both sides. As much as he wanted his fresh new life, he is irremediably bound to the past and wants to preserve it in its original aspect, keep it as pure as possible.

 

The next day at university, he meets Renjun at their usual spot in the main hall.

“Hi! So, how was the party?” he says as a greeting.

This is when Mark realises he completely forgot about his friend and how he was supposed to let him crash at his place when they both got back.

“I’m so sorry. You should have called me. It completely slipped out of my mind.”

Renjun waves his hands, laughing.

“It's okay, don’t sweat it. A girl living in the dorms had a car and offered me a ride home.”

Mark is relieved. He would rather not entrust his friend to anyone in the dorms because of the hazing but he seems well and it’s all that matters.

“I saw you leave the bar with Yukhei, you guys looked like you were enjoying yourselves I wouldn’t just come out and ruin that.” Renjun adds.

His words flow out naturally, making his statement even more embarrassing for Mark who raises a hand to interrupt him.

“You're whipped, just admit it. I get it, he's quite the man.”

_What is that even supposed to mean?_

Mark doesn’t answer. He looks down at his feet, looking for some insight on the top of his worn out Timberlands. It’s strange to see Renjun has him perfectly figured out already. He might indeed have developed a bad crush on his neighbour on top of finding him irrepressibly attractive. The thought is troubling him. Crushes are like infections. They can be harmless if they are treated and cured quickly. If they set in, they will turn into something way more dangerous and painful both for the host and the target.

Actually, he doesn’t really know that. He is merely reflecting on love from what he has heard or seen (of course, he knows about heartbreaks but none of his past experiences were close to being this detrimental).

He fell in love with his roommate and it was mutual, a peaceful haven in the fresh hell that was his year in medical school. It’s a weird story, short but passionate. They left each other in common consent after it faded out. It did not hurt. Does love necessarily hurt?

The only thing he knows is that love takes time and space. The target fully occupies the host's mind until it is the only thing they can think about; before they know it, a day has passed, and then a month, and all they did was to think about the target.

Mark cannot afford losing his precious time and mind like that. There is a writing contest taking place within the university. All students can participate, anonymously or not. He is thankful Renjun has picked up on his bad habit of not checking his e-mails and informed him, or else he would have certainly missed it.

He isn’t keen on competing but this could be a way to prove himself he can still write under such conditions and therefore be good practice. Donghyuck orders him through text to _absolutely take part in the contest_ (Mark does not understand how he can be more excited about his life than he is himself).

Now he has to look out for the theme that has yet to be revealed.

 

 

Yukhei appears to the window way less frequently than usual, and, contrary to the first weeks, he shows up a lot more at the campus. He says it’s because he’s taking college seriously this year, he goes to all of his lectures and then goes practicing to the stadium.

During his free time, Mark goes to revise his notes in some of the secrets spots he showed him around the campus.

“Sorry, I feel like I’m invading your space.” He apologizes when Yukhei is already there, playing some game on his phone.

“It’s okay! I wouldn’t have told you if I didn’t want you around.”

Mark’s heart skips a beat.

He is here to study but with Yukhei he ends up talking about their favourite colour, season, food.

“Just like watermelon, you’re a bit strict on the outside but inside your sweet and juicy!” Yukhei comments on his favourite fruit, making Mark laugh until he cries.

“What the hell are you saying!”

He hits his arm playfully and rests his head on his shoulder for a few seconds. It's too late, his crush is too severe already. He feels himself falling.

Nothing changed after that night. If he regretted any of it he would probably have avoided him like the plague and pushed him away. However he runs to him like a joyful puppy whenever he sees him. That’s a good start.

 

 

When he learns that the theme of the contest is simply “Youth” and nothing more, Mark is disconcerted. Him who was starting to get interest in the older side of the population in the city, observing their rites and antics will now have to work with the exact opposite. He has an entire notebook of short stories he imagined about characters he created from nameless faces, but nothing about youth.

It is not like he does not have enough material to work with when his creativity dries out (he’s in college after all and he knows a little something about “youth”), it is more like he doesn’t know where to begin, and what to focus on. He is already taking this way more seriously than initially intended.

He’s sitting on the couch, his brand new notebook spread open on the coffee table, pouting, holding up a pen on his philtrum between his upper lip and his nose.

Suddenly, music comes disturbing his unfruitful thoughts. It’s coming from outside, it’s not very loud but the kitchen window is wide open. When Mark moves to see where it’s coming from, he is pleased to see he’s not the only one whose classes have ended early.

A carpet is hanging on the balcony and Yukhei is ardently cleaning up his room, listening to some Bob Marley song and humming the lyrics.

_Going to a party_

_And I hope you are hearty_

_So please don't be naughty_

_For it's a punky reggae party_

_New wave, new craze_

_New wave, new craze_

Mark wishes he could cross the void to sing and dance with him. He keeps silent and stares at him for God knows how long, at the way he’s enjoying himself, and at the way his body moves with the rhythm, much like that night.

And then the song switches to a very uptempo beat unknown to Mark. Yukhei drops the broom and starts jumping around in his room like a madman, and Mark thinks that this is it, “youth” in all its glory, the best incarnation he can think of.

When he spots Mark, he yells over the music some rudimental greeting.

“Ayo Mark! How are you on this beautiful afternoon—ugh!”

He trips over some cleaning products as he makes his way to the balcony and barely steadies himself to avoid faceplanting right on the spot.

Mark’s tongue trips over words as he tries to give the other a coherent answer, something, anything.

“What??”

Yukhei extends his long limbs back inside his bedroom to turn off the music.

“No, I mean… (Mark laughs to hide his embarrassment, it works on the other all the time) I’ve never seen you clean before. That’s surprising.”

“What!! Is it, really?”

And they talk and joke around, Mark feels a bit guilty because Yukhei does not do any more cleaning afterwards.

If he is the only thing he can think about, then he will have to take advantage of it and use him as writing material. It’s as simple as that.

 

 

He is so immersed in college work and writing that he forgets to call his father and his mother doesn’t fail to remind him. She texts him and calls him repetitively, telling him how his state is worsening and that he is still kept in the hospital. “Yes, yes, don’t worry, I’ll do it.”

Eventually Mark gives in. His discussion with him is nothing memorable, his father is forcing himself to be nice while he is forcing himself to sound interested. He lists his own symptoms and potential diagnosis, complaining about how the doctors treating him are borderline incompetent.

“I wish at least one of you would visit me.” He declares. “Don’t disappoint me.”

Mark knows he refers to both him and his brother but as always he is the one who is expected to meet his needs. As tasteless as the conversation was, it leaves an odd aftertaste into his mouth like a fruit just turning bad and he cannot get rid of it. Day and night he feels bothered by it. Only “bothered” because it does not hurt, it can’t be seen. A scar hidden under a shirt.

He feels down. Incredibly so. These are things he usually tell to his best friend, however he can only do this much when he lives so far away. Theoretically speaking, he could tell Renjun or Yukhei about his uneasiness. But in the same way he does not want to share too much about his new life to Donghyuck, he has the feeling the life he left behind in Seoul should stay in Seoul, on this parallel path he has quitted. That’s why he only talk about Canada to Yukhei, who seems to enjoy it a lot.

Therefore he decides to do something new the next day to take his mind off things. He skips his last classes to go to the stadium and watch the track and field practice. The campus is so gigantic that he gets lost on the way, mistaking the path to the dorms for the path to the sports area. When he finally reaches the stadium, practice has already started half an hour ago. He sits on top of the bleachers, with his notebook opened on his lap and his pen in his hand. However his eyes spend more time following the male figure outrunning all the others rather than focusing on the blank paper in front of him.

 

 

 

 

Yukhei meets with Jungwoo between classes. As usual, his friend is holding a cup of iced coffee.

“I forgot to ask you, how did that welcoming party go the other day? Boring, uh?”

With his legs crossed and his back slightly slouched, Jungwoo looks up to him with eyes that know too much. Yukhei is munching on his sandwich, his second meal of the day.

“Good. Perfect.” he answers and cracks a cocky smile.

“Did things get frisky with your cute neighbour?”

“Sure did!!”

Jungwoo clicks his tongue. “I owe Sicheng 50,000 won. I know he cheated but I can’t prove it.”

“Owe? Cheat? Did you guys make a bet?”

Jungwoo hides his mouth as he realises what he has just said, and then he shrugs, visibly accepting the fact that he messed up in a matter of seconds.

“...Yeah. I mean, I told him about your new neighbour Mark who is cute, and he said he was sure that it was the actual reason you wanted to go to that party. And then he bet that something would happen between you two and I was like no way, Xuxi is a coward.” He shakes his head slowly. “Guess I was wrong.”

Yukhei's mouth falls open. Sicheng did act like he didn't know anything about Mark, yet he kept making suggestive remarks and pushing him into his arms. Yukhei felt fake for following his lead. And then following Mark's. He has been fooled entirely, it hurts his pride. He grits his teeth.

“Well, first of all you're an idiot for doing a bet with Sicheng. He never bets if he isn’t a hundred percent sure to win. Second of all, I would've gone for the kill, whether he intervened or not.”

“Really?” Jungwoo asks between giggles, already forgetting about losing his money over a pretty stupid bet.

“Tension was too high. We flirted since like day 3, something had to happen.”

“Day 3...?”

“Yeah... First two days were pretty awkward.”

Jungwoo chokes on his drink. “I need to tell Ten about this.”

“Oh please not Ten. But it wasn't anything serious. Tension was high, the bubble burst, that's it. We didn’t go very far.” Yukhei explains, adding suggestive hand gestures to underline his point. Jungwoo turns his eyes away. “And right now tension is high again because he seems like super receptive of everything I do, so something like this might happen _again_ but that's really all there is, you feel me?”

“Myeah...”

No matter how much he tries to explain himself, Jungwoo is doubtful. He doesn’t get it, Yukhei has to work harder on his Korean.

“To be honest I don't really know if I'll keep this up for long because he’s a good friend and I like our little chats. If shit gets awkward it'll suck. But playing around a bit is fun especially with a dude since I've only ever flirted now I’m taking it one step further, I guess. Did I tell you he likes pink, too?”

He would not call himself attracted to men, just, _sometimes_. It’s new (he loves novelty).

“Poor thing. I really hope he didn’t get too attached. You’re already planning how far it’ll go and when you’ll get tired of him.”

It makes sense to him that they are just playing around, that Mark is probably also interested in testing how far Yukhei could go. If he wants to challenge him, he's fine with it.

“It’s a game for the both of us. Just mutual attraction. _Seduction game_. I doubt he's taking any of this seriously.”

“We've known each other for a little more than a year now, and I heard you say this many times... is this what one calls a running joke?”

_Sip sip._

“Ugh. Shut up, hyung.”

“No. You shut up.”

His soft tone makes his reply almost comical in Yukhei's eyes.

“Don’t skip practice tomorrow!”

 

 

It’s already quite late but after formal training, Yukhei runs around the stadium to work on his stamina.

When he is over with his last turn, he wipes the sweat off his forehead and lifts his head, breathing out slowly and steadying himself. There he spots someone sitting on top of the bleachers. It catches his attention because usually students who come to the stadium to watch practice prefer sitting at the front. They make eye contact.

“Mark?”

Yukhei's heartrate speeds up, even if his effort has stopped a few minutes ago.

He trots up to the mesh fence and Mark quickly gets down the stairs, jumping over the last three stairs to join him faster. _Cute_.

“Yo!”

“Hello! I finally came to see you in action!”

“Great to see you here!”

Yukhei's answer is simple but perfectly conveys what he feels. He is quite proud to know Mark has seen him during one of his best days.

“I should've come earlier. You're amazing. All the other guys stopped way before you.”

“They lack the motivation. For me, that's what keeps me going.”

Mark looks like he wants to add something but restrains himself. He grabs the fence next to where Yukhei has placed his hand. He is fidgeting and his fingers are anxiously twisting and untwisting around the metal wires.

“Sorry, I have been quite busy recently because the tournaments are starting soon.” Yukhei blurts out. It’s true they don’t see each other as much as before.

Mark's gaze lights up and his big eyes are sparkling. “I understand. That’s why I came here!”

“Oh? You missed me?”

“My evenings do get boring without my funny neighbour around.”

Yukhei flirts, and Mark flirts back. This is still how their conversations go.

They didn’t mention that night even once. They are not trying to forget it, nor act as if it never happened. Their talks remain the same but their looks have changed. Yukhei can’t really point out what in Mark’s glance gives him this feeling but he likes it, it’s even more challenging than before.

The edge of their fingers brush and it's very subtle, it’s as if it doesn’t even happen. But Yukhei feels it and also forgets what to say. He spots a small notebook in Mark's hand and finds another thing to talk about.

“You were writing?”

Mark nods.

“There’s a contest where you have to submit a short story. The deadline is at the end of next month. I really want to participate.”

His eyes look a bit tired and he doesn’t smile as much as usual, so Yukhei assumes it's because he feels pressured by the event.

“Well, that means we're both busy, uh. I guess by the end of next month I should be free too.”

Yukhei wanted to make it sound like a promise although he's not sure he was able to convey his feelings properly. He’s putting their game on hold for the time being.

 

 

 

 

“What I’m writing right now… It’s about you. You’re my inspiration.” Mark confesses, heat rising within his chest as he sees Yukhei smiling brightly and jumping around, exalted by the revelation.

He said it, it’s not a love confession, but it’s similar for him.

With his hands still attached to the metal fence, he watches his silhouette get smaller and smaller as he gets away to the changing rooms to go take a shower.

Separated by the metal frontier, it felt once again as if they were living in two different worlds. However this time, the frontier doesn't seem as impassable. On this thought, Mark looks up to the top of the fence. A flock of bird flies away from the back of the stadium as the sky starts covering itself in dark grey clouds.

It then becomes a habit for him to come and see the athletes in training. It is also a way for him to meet with Yukhei more often.

Weeks go by fast. Love probably steals his time away, he thinks. The more he watches him among his friends and on the track, running as if he’s flying, surpassing himself, breaking his own records, the more he realises that the border between them might not just be the hole between their two buildings or the metal fence. It’s something more insidious, it’s about how Wong Yukhei, unreachable, shines so brightly on his own and on everything around him. Much like light he is slipping through his fingers. Mark is just Mark. He does not do much. He just tries.

He has been trying to detach himself from his past but he can’t. It’s the present, and he can’t help but care. The scar reopens and bleeds out.

His father’s health condition keeps deteriorating day after day without any doctor being able to determine what caused his sickness. Considering his critical state, his mother gives him an ultimatum in the form of a train ticket she buys him.

He thought he had no choice. Under such a pressure, he spent a long time in church looking for answers because he doesn’t want to go back there. But of course, these are things he can’t escape so he resigned himself and asked Donghyuck to fetch him at the station.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hullo. it's currently uuuhhh about 4am where i live. I'm opening my third eye as I'm writing those lines.  
> So anyways, this chapter was a bit of an aftermath. We can already see Yukhei and Mark don't see eye to eye at all. But they don't know that...
> 
> Once again, I cut a chapter in half because it was getting long and well i like updating roughly every week? it's the fastest i've ever worked on a story. Yes, I slack off all day, i watch garbage on youtube and i still manage to find a weekly update hard to do. (im a college student, everything is hard and tiring) Hope you enjoyed it!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey again!!!!!!!!!!!! Have you seen how much lumark content we’ve gotten recently?? Every single episode of nct life makes my heart weak, they’re so cute. And Mark's birthday... Nct is so cute. I’m soft.  
> This is why I rate this particular chapter as explicit :D though I still won’t change the rating so please proceed with caution..? (not really but-) enjoy~

“Someone is going to get hurt.”

“Most likely not him so he doesn’t care.”

“You’re right, hyung.”

“What are you guys trying to make me look like? Relax!”

“My diagnosis is that we have a severe case of buffoonery, right here.”

Yukhei is hanging out with Jungwoo in a coffee shop. To his great displeasure, Ten is here and comments on his exciting story about Mark and his notebook.

“Why!?”

“You’ve told us you guys spent hours talking in empty hidden rooms around campus on top of already spending hours talking to each other at home?”

He did not tell Ten, he solely told Jungwoo, but apparently it’s all the same since Jungwoo’s tongue is stronger than Yukhei’s pleas and he repeated all of it.

“Yeah… I guess… What can I say, man? He’s the same age as me, we became friends.”

“And he watches you practice before you drive him home in your nice convertible?”

“Don’t say it didn’t happen, I was leaving at the same time as you guys and I saw you.”

“It happened once, I suggested it since he looked tired. You guys really want to create unnecessary drama!”

“And now he’s writing about you? You’re, like, his muse?”

“Oh my god” Jungwoo adds, voice almost inaudible.

Ten is prying and authoritative, acting as if he knows anything about the bond him and Mark share. He is a psychology student who knows everyone (and everything about everyone). It seems like his study field bled onto the way he sees people and he likes to ascribe some sort of premade personality traits to anyone he meets, just to analyse their behaviour and expose how predictable every single one of their acts indeed were.

Overall, he still is the wisest of all of his friends, second only to Qian Kun. But Kun would rather keep minding his own business as the world burns around him.

“He’s obviously completely fond of you and you’re still trying to say you’re involved in some sort of game? Please, grow up.”

“Well, the guys on our team agree with me.” he says, reminiscing of a conversation he's had with them after they spotted Mark a few times at the stadium.

“Now, that’s one great reference.” Jungwoo says ironically.

 

 

There is no misunderstanding on his part. Mark did visit him at the stadium for a while but after that one time he drove him home, he stopped coming altogether. It was clear as he progressively became more and more distant and cold. When Yukhei tries to get him to talk, he curves the topic into another direction. If something is wrong, then Mark does not want him to know anything about it. He might as well have a problem with him.

The finals of their track and field tournament took place in their campus this year (to most teams’ dismay). Yukhei won a gold medal in relay and 200 meters as well as silver in 400 meters and the university's team ultimately won the trophy. He was proud of his and his team’s performances. Mark came to see them with Renjun and congratulated him briefly at the end and that’s the last time they talked.

He does not take offense, after all he did say he would be busy too. Now it’s all over, He wants to celebrate and he counts on him to be available, just as they told each other a month ago.

“Mark! The tournament is over and we won! I’m so happy!” he exclaims, running on the balcony.

“That’s great Yukhei.”

Mark seems out of it but that’s okay, that’s alright. It has been this way for a while.

“I’m throwing a party on Friday to celebrate. But it’ll be a bigger thing than usual, like maybe around thirty people? We’re celebrating the team’s victory after all” Yukhei explains, pride engulfing him as the words roll down his tongue. Mark simply nods. “I ended up suggesting doing it at my place but we’ll go out later during the night to join the rest of them. Same club as usual. How about you come celebrate with us? I invited a bunch of my friends. Renjun said he was in.”

Mark stays silent for what seems like an eternity. Yukhei is nervous (he has not been nervous inviting someone since about middle school) and he has the feeling that Mark’s behaviour is the result of him messing up somewhere. He would hate having to go and see Ten to tell him “you were right”.

“I told you about this writing contest I was participating in. The deadline is next week but I haven’t finished at all. And I have some essay to write about influence of East Asian literature over 19th century European works, which I haven’t started yet.” Mark shakes his head from left to right and massages his temples as if he’s getting a headache just thinking about how much work he has left to do.

Yukhei stays dumbfounded by this unexpected rejection.

“So… You can’t come?”

“Sorry.”

Mark looks away. He’s acting strange and Yukhei can’t bring himself to ask why anymore. Is Mark tired of playing already? Why did he initiate anything in the first place? Were these looks just for show?

Mark is cold but somehow, Yukhei is boiling inside and doesn’t bother hiding his bitterness.

“Well then. Suit yourself.”

Mark shrugs and closes the window after letting out a shy “good-bye”.

Yukhei is left here, hanging out on his balcony, he plays with his lighter, makes a circular motion with his foot and looks at the bottom of the alley.

“Seriously…” he scoffs.

 

 

 

Mark is walking around in circles in his apartment.

In a way, he didn’t lie to Yukhei and he does have a lot of work to do for college. What he omitted saying was the train back to Seoul he has to take early the next morning.

He is conscious that he started distancing himself excessively, especially considering he craves his presence more than anything (oh, how much he wants to go celebrate with him). But witnessing him being greater day after day on one side, and being pressured by his family situation on the other side, he ultimately ended up isolating himself.

It’s Friday night, he’s packing his stuff and a second later, he’s unpacking them. He packs them again, only putting the bare minimum in his travel bag this time. He loses his glasses. He runs around looking for them, empties his bag and here they are. He shoves all of his stuff back inside the bag and throws it at the end of his bed.

He needs to work on entry for the contest. However, when he’s finally sitting on his bed with a pen in his hand, his mind draws a blank. It is rush hour and sounds of horns and engines coming from the main street fill his room.

He knows he should have stayed back in the library and come home to pack later but some unstoppable force pushed him to go back to his apartment after lectures, worn out by social interactions.

Since he cannot focus, he gets out of his room and picks some rests in the fridge to eat them on the sofa, determined to work on his mandatory assignment instead. For a short while, he can. Ideas run to him and he can write down a decent draft. However, this productivity is stopped by music coming from outside.

He chooses to ignore it at first and blocks the sound with his headphones and his own music but it gets so loud that soon the walls of his apartment and his bones are vibrating in unison. How can the closest neighbours even deal with that?

He jumps off the sofa and runs to the window. There the music is even louder, he hears it but he can’t see anything. Only flashes of light filter from time to time in Yukhei’s room. It’s an invisible party.

He remembers that Yukhei has said he should manifest himself if he starts becoming too much of a nuisance. It is usually bearable but this time, Mark cannot let it pass: a long and tiring day awaits him tomorrow, he needs to rest. Since he still has not gotten his number (they've only ever talked in person), he can only try to get his attention from the where he is standing, which is rendered difficult since no one could possibly hear him from inside the apartment.

Mark’s knuckles whiten around the edge of the window. He doesn’t know how long he waits, he lets the beat imprint itself into his brain instead of searching for solution until Yukhei finally appears in his room, followed by a shorter silhouette.

_Open the window, dammit._

Without thinking, he throws a kitchen roll at the window, which is the closest object to his hand.

It’s only when they get closer to the bed that he can distinguish a girl holding onto his arm and reahing to ruffle his hair. However it is too late, he had to act fast and the object has already left his hand.

Its impact on the window is enough to draw their attention and they both turn at the same time. When he sees Mark’s mortified face, Yukhei addresses him a wide smile. The girl does not let go of him and they both come out on the balcony.

“Ayo Mark!”

“Ayo Mark!” the girl repeats. She seems like she already drank a lot.

“Is this yours?”

Yukhei picks up the kitchen roll that landed upright on his balcony and hands it back to Mark.

“Sorry about that. I had to get your attention somehow. Remember when I said I had a ton of things to do? Well, the music is very loud and I can’t concentrate at all, I wanted to ask you to tone it down a little.”

Yukhei starts laughing and pulls the girl closer to him, if possible. At this moment, his laugh is the only thing Mark can hear. It resonates and repeats itself like a pre-recorded track.

“I can imagine that you can’t focus much with all that racket! Man, we’re having so much fun!” He looks at the girl for confirmation before kissing the top of her head. “You really should have come! I’d love to have you here!”

“I can’t…”

Mark pushes the words out with difficulty and they almost die in his throat. He’s not even sure he made a sound.

“I’ll see what I can do, can’t promise you anything tonight, though. Well I need to take care of my guests, see you!”

Mark nods silently. He feels heat rising in his stomach and bile making its way up, threatening to come out as he sees them leaving the bedroom together.

His assignment is still lying on the coffee table, waiting for him to pick it up. Now the music does not even have to be loud, his own invasive thoughts came back to do the job of distracting him well enough. A thousand of contradictory answers are colliding in his mind. Answers to questions he never asked himself. Answers to questions he _does not want_ to ask himself.

A game that Yukhei has been playing with him since the beginning, he’s just testing him.

An innocent, naïve way of asking Mark one last time to join him to his party.

Subtly getting him to understand that one night together with him was a mistake.

Just wanting to share his joy with him.

When he wants answers, he ends up thinking too much without ever landing on a solution. When he does not want to speculate, suddenly he's able to determine a thousand of different possibilities.

Never taking real decisions, always needing external advice. Always wondering, never taking action.

The music is still loud, it might even have gotten louder.

He jumps on his feet again, puts on his shoes and runs outside. Standing in front of Yukhei’s building, he just has to wait a few minutes for someone to go in so he can sneak in behind them. He runs up the stairs to the third floor. As expected, the building looks exactly like his on the inside.

The noise is loud enough to echo within the staircase which just seems like an annex to Yukhei’s apartment. He rings at the door from where the music is coming from. The person who opens the door is a short man who arcs an eyebrow when he sees him. He glares at him from head to toe.

“Xuxi!” he calls.

Yukhei comes running to the entrance and as usual when he sees him, he seems like a big dog celebrating his owner’s return. The contrast between his habitual goofy and excited behaviour contrasts with Mark’s morose state of mind and makes his heart ache.

“You finally decided to come?”

“The music is still too loud and I can’t concentrate at all on my work.” Mark mechanically repeats his own words, unable to find a better way to express his distress.

“Come on in!”

He is unsure whether Yukhei could not hear him or if he voluntarily ignored him, but he drags him inside his apartment.

Noise and heat engulf Mark as soon as he enters and he feels like he is being eaten alive by a creature from Hell. Yukhei’s grip on his wrist is strong and could probably rip his arm off if he doesn’t follow him.

The apartment is not big and was changed into a jam-packed club. The crowd is spreading in the corridor all the way from the living room to the entrance. When Yukhei runs through it with Mark attached to his arm, everyone politely steps away to make place for him.

He is the light and they’re all shadows. He is the King and they’re all his subjects.

 _He’s attractive, he draws you in._ He has a ton of friends and they probably all think like that, Mark is nothing special, just another person who fell for it.

All of their eyes chase him and they’re staring as if some out of the place monstrosity had just entered the kingdom. Only some others are addressing him a pitiful glance instead. Notably Renjun who seems quite worried.

Yukhei pulls him into the middle of the biggest room and releases him so violently that Mark almost loses balance and his glasses fall on the floor.

“I think I’m just gonna go home—” he trails off, picking up his glasses in panic before someone stomps them.

“Come on Mark, don’t be a killjoy!”

Yukhei pulls him again, forcing him to stand up faster, and sways him around like a ragdoll. Some men sitting around the room are hooting and cackling at them. He recognizes some of them from the track and field team.

The same Bob Marley song he’s heard before in Yukhei’s room is playing.

_Tell you what, take a joyful sound_

_To make the world go 'round_

_Come with your heart and soul_

_Come-a, come-a and rock your boat_

_'Cause it's a punky reggae party_

_And it's tonight_

_It's a punky reggae party_

_And it's alright_

Mark tries hard to resist but Yukhei grabs his hips and pulls him close, pushing his lips against his cheeks and ear.

“Mark, baby, what’s happening to you all of a sudden?” he mumbles, loud enough for people around to hear.

The guys’ shouting intensifies and they yell his name as if they knew anything about him (“Yeah Mark!” “Come on, Mark!”). He feels the heat rise to his face and his heartbeat in his temples.

“You were so fierce and sexy that night, now you’re playing hard to get. You’re really an interesting guy.”

“Playing?”

“Or is it because you didn’t like our little game?”

“Little game…?”

Yukhei is tipsy and his speech is slightly slurred. He holds Mark close with one arm and shows around the cramped room with the other.

“You got tired of it, or maybe you gave up? You saw how I am and you gave up?”

Mark is not sure what is happening. The words he said don’t make sense at first so he repeats them until he realises he might just be Wong Yukhei’s brand new plaything and nothing more. He feels dirty and shameful to have acted the way he did in private – only for him – just to have it given away to a group of strangers later on.

_Must love necessarily hurt?_

A kiss on his cheek is like a bucket of iced water dropped on his head. He pushes Yukhei away and runs to the entrance. Contrary to him, he has to push his way through the people. Yukhei catches up with him and holds him close again.

“It’s okay if you surrender. Surrender yourself to me, Minhyung…”

Mark turns around instantly forcing himself out of Yukhei’s grasp. The flat of his palm collides with Yukhei’s cheek in a dull and biting sound which drowns out music and voices. Finally, for a split second, silence.

This time, people around him move aside for him to get to the entrance. He leaves, and he can hear “You’re a moron, Xuxi” right before he slams the door shuts.

When he reaches home, he feels like he has run an entire marathon. His legs and arms are weak, and his chest weights a ton despite being completely empty. In his room, his travel bag is lying there, ready to accompany him on a journey he certainly does not want to go through. He throws himself on his bed and he can hear his neighbours across the landing going at it again, unbothered by the music and the tragedy happening next to them.

Head buried in his pillow, he is tired, he employs all the strength left into his body to scream until his throat itches and his lungs burn.

 

 

Yukhei is standing in the middle of the hallway, hand slowly moving to cup his cheek.

“You’re a moron, Xuxi.” Jungwoo simply says.

“Oh, bite me.”

All eyes are on him, Ten is nearby, arms crossed over his chest, right next to Renjun who is staring intently. The music fills his ears and head.

_She said man, you got tipsy_

_Hidin' from reality_

_In your world of hypocrisy_

_In your world of hypocrisy_

_In your world of hypocrisy_

_In your world of hypocrisy_

_In your world of hypocrisy_

“I hate you and your methods. Why am I even your friend. Why am I on this team of losers.” Jungwoo whines.

“No, no. You’re all winners tonight. Come on.” Sicheng comes out of the bathroom and pats Jungwoo on the back. “What did I miss?”

 

 

Around midnight everyone leaves his apartment to take a car or the last buses in order to join the club where the rest of the team has already arrived and is also celebrating the victory. But he does not feel like rejoicing anymore. He probably should have stayed home, where he could have reflected on what he has done. He hurt Mark without meaning to.

Yukhei orders a beer and sits at Ten and Jungwoo’s table. They both glance up.

“Who said you could sit here, bad boy?” Ten says and Jungwoo sticks his tongue out. They are sharing the biggest flashiest pinkiest cocktail on the menu with two straws.

“Ugh.”

“I’m serious. We don’t want you here. Go set fire to the dancefloor, they’ve asked you a thousand times already.”

“Meh. You go, Jungwoo, it’s your victory, too.”

Jungwoo shrugs and rolls his eyes.

“In the end you got hurt too. That’s what I call tough love.” Ten jokes, pointing to his cheek. Yukhei is not in the mood for jokes so he grumbles some more but he does not leave their table because they are the only two people he feels like talking to (that might be masochism).

“You’re just mad that he doesn’t do everything you want like all the chicks you’ve fooled around with.”

“Because he probably values you more than just a handsome jock with money.”

“It’s because we are friends! We’ve been perfectly fine until now! He’s the one who’s gotten distant, I don’t get it!”

“You _were_ friends.”

“It seems like you guys are implying I’ve never been in a serious relationship before."

“Yes, exactly.”

“I just happen to like casual relationships! It’s fun! Nothing wrong with that. I am in good terms with most of my exes.”

“‘Most.’”

“Fun? And why is everything a game for you? Is life like a sport competition to you? A constant power struggle? Who will win? Who will fall first? Who will get tired? Who will get hurt?”

Ten gets angry. Obviously, his old habits die hard. He forcibly tries to find a meaning to his behaviour and Yukhei only starts feeling now that he might be a little right. He usually cuts relationships himself before he can get any hard feelings.

“Hyung…”

“See, Mark might not be completely naive or innocent but what if he falls for you?  You have no reason to behave the way you do.”    

Yukhei wants to protest and throws his arms in the air but lets them fall back down immediately in defeat, shaking his head. He highly doubts his words but he doesn’t say anything, no need to argue anymore.

“Your problem is that you can't stand people getting too attached to you and you don’t want to get attached either. You turn everything into a game to detach yourself. You're obsessed by your own freedom and independence.”

“Stop spewing bullshit...” Yukhei grumbles. He really hates being analysed. “We’ve known each other for three months. It’s really not that deep.”

“It's not that deep until it is. Guess who just entered the club.” Jungwoo deadpans, glancing above his shoulder.

Yukhei turns around instantly towards the entrance. Mark is there, pushing through the people to make himself a way to the bar.

“Mark?!” he calls before his voice can even reach the other.

In an instant, Ten, Jungwoo and the fancy cocktail are gone from the table.

“Yukhei, Yukhei, there you are...”

Mark's voice is shaking and filled with sobs. When he’s finally within arm's reach, Yukhei doesn't know what to do with his hands. He places them on shorter boy’s shoulders, on his head, on his face, cupping it. His cheeks are wet.

“You're crying!?”

“I'm so sorry. I don’t know what went through me please forgive me, tell me you forgive me.”

Mark hiccups his way through the sentence, and his shoulder brutally raise up and down. The world around them is spinning.

“That’s nothing, it didn’t even hurt, you don’t need to apologise for that…”

“You were celebrating your victory and I went there trying to ruin it all. I’m so sorry.”

He clings to Yukhei’s chest.

“Mark, calm down.”

He drags him away from the crowd to a quieter corner where he knows they would hear each other talk better and curious glances would not lay on them.

“You need to calm down.” Yukhei repeats, trying his best to hide his internal panic.

Frustrated not to be able to hold back his tears, Mark hits the taller's chest.

Yukhei pulls him into a hug and massages his back to soothe him. He’s drunk has no idea what is going on so he just goes with the flow. His shirt is getting wet from the tears and spit.

“I'm not mad at all so, uh, please calm down.”

Eventually Mark's breathing slows down and the sobbing stops. He gently pulls away and wet hair sticks to his face, circling his puffy red cheeks and bloodshot eyes.

 

_What…?_

 

“I really ruined your evening now, didn’t I?”

“What? No, no, no. Come on let's have a drink. Let’s celebrate together.”

He grabs Mark’s hand and drags him back to the bar, earning a chuckle in response. His heart jumps. For a second, he thinks it’s another sob.

They take a shot together. Mark lies his head on the cold, glassy structure of the bar. He sniffles and covers his face with his palm.

“I’m not tired of playing with you, I swear. Don’t think I’m boring, don’t throw me away.” He mumbles, voice muffled in his arm. It feels like another slap on the cheek for Yukhei. He can’t possibly think Mark is saying this seriously. He seems to be talking to himself rather than addressing it to Yukhei directly, like a drunk man’s ramblings.

“I won’t, you’re my friend.” He answers, patting his back.

“I can do much better.” He emerges from his arms and looks right in front of him. “Much better than them all.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you can!” He assures, not even sure what he is referring to. He clears his throat. “I was joking earlier, I didn’t realise I was making you this uncomfortable.”

“You’re such an asshole, Xuxi. Bastard. Fucker.”

Yukhei does not dispute it and clenches his fists. They stay silent before he asks him about what made him feel so down recently.

“My assignments are stressing me out, I can’t handle this pressure at all.”

“Your assignments!” Yukhei jumps and stands up, suddenly remembering. “What about them? What are you doing here??”

“Fuck my assignments.”

On these words, Mark slams down another drink and stands up too, running to the dancing area as a new song comes on.

Yukhei follows him closely and they dance together. When some of his friends try to talk to him, he ignores them. When they spot Mark and start cackling, he hisses at them. He has some internal debate about whether he should give in to his irrepressible need to kiss him right here and now but before he can come to a decision, Mark tells him he’s tired so he accompanies him outside.

“I’m going home, sorry again for everything.”

“I told you it’s nothing. I’m going home too.”

_I’m at fault too._

“You don’t have to, you’re the star of this party.”

“They don’t need me, don’t worry about that. Besides it’s already quite late.”

It’s really not that late but he needs any excuse not to stay back and let Mark go home alone.

“Should I call a taxi?”

“Let’s walk?”

 

 

It’s a long walk home and they don’t exchange a single word for its entire duration. It’s a humbling silence, Yukhei thinks, maybe it’s the best way to show they are still perfectly comfortable with each other. Their shoulders brush, their arms touch.

It is only when he is about to unlock the door of his apartment that Yukhei realises that he brought Mark all the way there. A chill runs down his spine when he looks at the other and sees the same desire-filled glance he used on him the first time. This time no make-up but red rimming around eyes which are still telling him “I want you”. And Yukhei likes that.

“After you.” He says after unlocking the door, extending a hand towards the entrance.

Mark complies and progresses slowly in the dark corridor before Yukhei turns on the lights. He stops in his tracks and turns his head and their eyes meet again. It’s odd, Yukhei does not feel at home, it’s rather as if Mark is the one inviting him inside. Maybe it’s because his own apartment looks like a battleground due to the party that took place just before. Maybe it’s because of the way Mark sways his hips as he starts moving forward again. It’s hypnotizing. Tension has reached its peak again.

The mess around them as they step in the living room brings him back to reality.

Mark grabs his wrist and pulls him further inside. Seeing the state of the room brings back flashes of the evening back into Yukhei's mind. He dragged Mark like this. He used a bit too much brutality on him. He saw the obvious distress on his face but chose to ignore it. He wanted Mark to react to him again (in any way possible), to stop being so inexplicably cold to him.

Yukhei never expected it to work so well. When Mark slapped him, he thought that he deserved it, oh well, he felt bad, he hoped it would settle down eventually so they could resume their game.

When he entered the club however Yukhei felt worse. He could not believe it hurt him this bad, and suddenly feared that Mark would be the one holding a grudge despite his constant apologizing (especially when he started insulting him out of nowhere). His strange ramblings forced him to reflect on his actions more than Ten’s so-called words of wisdom.

Mark isn’t cold anymore. He pushes Yukhei against the wall and the latter almost trips on pizza cardboard.

Mark presses himself against him and pulls him down into a heated kiss.

Mark is not hot either, when Yukhei's hands wanders down his hips and on his ass, Mark slaps them away.

“Don't. Touch. Me.”

He is lukewarm.

This thought makes Yukhei laugh and he’s already completely turned on. He raises his hands in the air like a robber caught on the spot.

“What’s so funny?”

Mark gets on his knees to lower his pants and underwear, not giving him time to answer.

Yukhei grimaces when Mark nibbles at the skin under his cock. It hurts but he lets Mark do what he wants, he doesn’t want to bother him (anymore).

“Last time you didn’t let me.”

In the heat of the moment, Yukhei hadn’t even realised that Mark wanted to give him a blowjob, or else he would have been more than happy to comply.

Mark slowly licks the shaft from the base to the tip before licking him down on the other side.

“Wait, condom...?” Yukhei suggests and bites his lips. Mark lifts his eyes and arcs an eyebrow.

“No it’s okay. I’m fine tasting whoever’s pussy you fucked tonight.”

“I didn’t fuck any pussy—ah!”

Mark wraps his hand around his cock and starts pumping it with energy before he engulfs the tip in his mouth. The inside of his mouth feels warm and his tongue works perfectly in circular motions around it, matching his hand movements. Yukhei wants more but he knows Mark just enjoys torturing him at this point.

The well-spoken Mark Lee became more provocative, bold, sexy, once again. Earlier he was afraid to lose Yukhei from a single meaningless argument and now he is vindictive and speaks his mind fearlessly. It may be because of the alcohol. It may be because of a surge of confidence he felt after seeing the other’s own doubts. It is true, Yukhei let his guard down. This is not a complete 360°, more like a natural progression of things which is going way too fast for his intoxicated brain.

It doesn’t really matter the reason why; he's pushing him to his limits.

“So that’s what it was, you were jealous, weren’t you? Is that why you came weeping into my arms? You're mad that I have so many friends?”

Yukhei doesn’t want to sound so harsh but he starts to pick up on Mark's playstyle. Quite the possessive one.

“...Maybe.”

He also noticed that he gives vague answers whenever he is embarrassed. But Mark is not too bothered. He hollows his cheeks to take more of him in with each thrust, and presses his lips more tightly around his length, bobbing his head faster.

The sensation of his sudden moans is something Yukhei was not expecting. On the corner of his eye, he can see him use his free hand and touch himself while still being entirely focused on sucking him.

“Fuck baby, that's so sexy.”

Mark glances at him and pulls off before licking the tip like a Popsicle. His tongue then glides all over his cock, soaking it with more saliva and producing lewd sounds, most likely on purpose.

_Come on._

Yukhei can only handle this much teasing. Mark laps at the bit of precum dripping at the tip. As he takes him back into his mouth slowly, Yukhei places his hands at the back of his head, pushing him closer to him and starts fucking his mouth restlessly. Mark moans in protest and punches his thighs to make him stop. When he makes a gagging sound, he lets him pull back. Mark chokes a few times, a trail of saliva or cum runs down his mouth. He looks up at him teary eyed, breathing heavily both from the lack of air and for being close to climax himself. Yukhei almost releases on the spot from the sight. It's like the image he saw the first night, but upgraded.

Mark wipes his face with the back of his hand and cracks a smile. “I said not to touch, can’t you understand Korean? You love having control, don’t you?”

“You got it.”

He hates people analysing him, but that’s fine if it’s Mark.

He is close and Mark can feel it, his dick is throbbing. He holds the base firmly. “That’s your punishment for being so mean to me.”

“What?? You little...”

Mark’s breathing gets more intense as he starts stroking himself, crying out louder and louder whiny moans he knows are driving him crazy until he cums into his hand. Still shaking, he finally deigns touching Yukhei again and finishes with a lazy handjob. Yukhei spurts all over his face.

He licks the corner of his mouth and Yukhei offers him a tissue so he can clean himself properly.

“Where are you going?” Yukhei asks while Mark is heading to the entrance.

“Home. That's all for tonight. You won’t get anything more from me so stop with this expression.”

Yukhei contracts his facial muscles to change whatever face he was making. He is tempted to ask Mark what he has done to deserve such treatment but he knows, and then again he deserves it, yet he still can't bring himself to apologize accordingly.

“I know what you’re thinking but that’s not it. I'm not mad and I’m not taking any revenge. I'm just tired.”

“At least, just stay the night?”

Yukhei grabs Mark’s arm but regrets the words coming out of his mouth right away. It is misplaced concern considering Mark lives so close and he sounds so unbelievably desperate that he wants to slap himself (too many slaps for a night). Mark gets more and more difficult to understand.

Against all expectations, he accepts.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah!!! The idea of Jungwoo and Ten sharing a pink cocktail is absolutely perfect to me!!! yes this is what I'll remember from this chapter.  
> More seriously though, Yukhei is not a bad violent guy. he's just a bit spoiled and immature.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello it's been a while (???!!!) THANK YOU FOR 100+ KUDOS!!! and all your nice comments!  
> me: weekly updates!  
> me, two weeks later: ok this ain't it
> 
> To make up for the wait, here is a double length chapter (mostly because i couldn't cut it anywhere)! I hope you will enjoy it!

Mark wakes up in an unknown place. It’s odd: the room is like his, the bed is arranged in the exact same way but the white walls are covered in posters of athletes, actors, rock bands.

He tries to move and turn on his back but strong arms wrapped around his waist prevent him from doing so. He feels Yukhei's hot breath on the back of his head.

His heart rate speeds up, he feels like the organ is going to beat out of his chest oh my god, oh my god. He taps Yukhei's arm and tries to get rid of it but his muscles turned into jelly. After struggling for a few seconds, he gives up and lets his head fall back on the mattress.

He takes his phone which is on the night stand beside him. Renjun has called him and left a few text messages.

[Are you ok?]

[I guess you went to sleep, please call if you want me to come.]

It’s 8AM and in an hour his train to Seoul will leave, most likely without him. It’s okay, there are many trains to Seoul.

It feels so warm, it feels so good, Mark does not want to move.

Mark wakes up a second time after a dream. He was on the head of a ship, wearing a white night gown covered in blood stains. On the shore was Donghyuck telling him to take it off and jump to the sea. Next to him was Yukhei, yelling louder not to worry as it was only red ink. He wakes up without being able to make any choice. The other’s body's warmth is gone and he is alone on the bed. He stretches out his arm and sits up.

He is not wearing a night gown but a large shirt that Yukhei lent him, so he changes back into his own clothes. He walks around the room up to the window where he rolls up the curtain in one swift movement before opening it to get some fresh air. The air still isn't fresh and it’s the same narrow alley as usual, he just sees it from a different point of view (has he finally walked into Yukhei’s world?). He steps out on the balcony and watches in front of him the window to his own apartment. He can see a bit of his kitchen, maybe his living room if he squints. His window is actually higher than the balcony which is probably why Yukhei has appeared so tall from up close.

However when he looks down, the slight difference is not obvious and the ground seems to be just as far. He bends over the guardrail and half of his body is hovering the void. Squinting, he can see rats running around the trash cans and wonders where the cat has gone to, if he is slacking off on his job, too. He tiptoes and bends down some more to try to count them.

Suddenly he hears a voice, and at the very same time arms wrap around his waist and pull him away from the edge.

“Mark!!”

Mark starts and turns around, he finds himself in Yukhei’s embrace and faces him. “Uh…Hey…?”

“Be careful with that thing, I don’t know how strong it is…”

Surprise makes him dizzy and he does not immediately understands that he was referring to the metal of the guardrail.

“Eh? O—okay.”

Yukhei’s hold on him loosens and he walks back, putting some distance between them (it could be because the balcony is too cramped for the both of them to stand there comfortably).

He joins Yukhei in the bedroom. He looks absolutely amazing with his messy hair and loose clothes.

He braces himself for awkward seconds of silence. Fortunately, Yukhei hates those just as much as him.

“Did you sleep well, Mark?”

“I did.”

“Great. I went to buy some groceries for breakfast because I had nothing left to eat. I didn’t prepare anything but!! I cleaned a bit…”

Mark smiles softly. Every second that passes, he loves him more. The more he is conscious about it, the more he is falling. When he became aware of his crush and tried to keep it at bay, it became worse. When he tried to reason himself because Yukhei was probably too much for him, it became worse.

_It’s the worst._

They eat breakfast together. It’s nothing too fancy but at least the eggs are not burnt. Mark is not that hungry anyway but Yukhei has eaten at least three servings.

“I drank a lot so now I have to eat a lot.” He justifies himself, feeling Mark’s stare on him.

“But, still…”

“Can’t help it!”

This is his way of filling time, he does not let the conversation die off. However he probably knows too that this is not what they should be discussing about. But just thinking about his exploits from the night before is enough to freeze Mark in his current posture, sitting still and upright, chopsticks locked between his fingers and lifted up like an extension of his arm which has always been there. He has a hard time chewing and swallowing.

“What’s wrong, Mark?” Yukhei asks, waving his hand in front of his face.

He tilts his head to the side and as Mark does not answer, silence finally falls between them. Mark stands up and takes his empty plates to the sink to wash them (useless, Yukhei owns a dishwasher).

“Erm. Uh. About last night, you apologized but it’s okay, man. Anyone can have a breakdown from time to time.”

Yukhei looks for his words which apparently got lost into his empty plate.

“And I think I owe you an apology too… I did notice something was off recently, yet I completely ignored how you felt and messed around in front of everyone. You weren’t in the mood for that at all and I kind of forced my excitement on you. I was drunk and I think I embarrassed us both. And uh... I hope you don't take to heart anything I said, it was probably utter bullshit.”

The memory of this “breakdown” is just a vague flash of him crying and making up poor excuses for his behaviour.

“Well, you saw how I act when I’m drunk? Am I not the most embarrassing one here?”

“You know, as two consenting adults I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that…”

Yukhei stands up and approaches him slowly. He places both of his hands on his hips and they both start laughing, looking dumbly in each other’s eyes.

“I missed your cute laugh.” Yukhei confides, making Mark figuratively melt into a puddle.

Suddenly, Yukhei’s obnoxious default-like vintage ringtone resonates in the kitchen and drowns out their laughs. Mark catches from his answer in Cantonese that this is his mother calling. He sighs and sounds a bit exasperated and is excited seconds later.

“I’m going, now.” Mark declares, pointing in the direction of the exit and leaving Yukhei’s personal space.

“Wait, wait ah—”

Although he looks like he wants to, Yukhei does not seem to be able to cut the conversation short. He waves at Mark and mouth something like “see you soon”.

 

 

Mark goes home to nothing but his essay still waiting for him on the coffee table. He sighs as if his breath could magically finish it. It will have to wait some more. Considering the time, Donghyuck might already on his way to the station so Mark quickly texts him an apology and sends the exact same message to his mother.

[Something came up and I couldn’t take the train home. I’m sorry.]

His friend’s answer comes in seconds later.

[What happened??]

[An eventful night. I missed the train and I don’t feel like leaving today anymore.]

It is apparently puzzling enough of an explanation for Donghyuck to ask for more details but Mark ignores it at first, the same way he ignores his mother’s confused messages.

[What???????]

[Hey.]

[Mark.]

[Don’t leave me hanging!]

[Hey let’s facetime it’s been a while.]

Mark sighs looking at his essay and picks up the call, thinking he is just reaping what he sowed. It’s strange to see Donghyuck’s face, he only had the smiling static contact picture to look at. His hair grew and he dyed it a light shade of brown.

“Mark~ What happened, I was so happy to meet you!? How could you ditch me like that? What were the events? Damn, you look dead.”

“Thanks. It’s nothing to rejoice about, you know. Let’s keep it quick, alright?”

“Keep it quick? Bitch, I work part-time on weekends and I took a day off for you. I don’t deserve this.”

Mark feels even worse. On the one hand he knows he owes him the truth, on the other hand he does not want to go into the details of his night, feeling far too ashamed and still not really keen on involving him into his personal drama. These are aspects of Mark's life he _should not_ care about. He tries to curve the subject one more time, hoping he would take the hint.

“It’s just, night-time disturbance and neighbourhood squabbles.”

Unfortunately, Donghyuck is different from him. Not only does enjoy drama but he is also incredibly perceptive. He sees and senses things as if he had eyes in every corner of the world.

“Neighbourhood? As in your neighbours who fuck loudly in the room next to yours or—wait, is that about your hot neighbour Yukhei?”

“How… How do you do that?” Mark asks dumbfounded.

“Oh, so it’s him.”

Donghyuck grabs a bag of salty crackers from under his bed and eats a handful.

“You seem like you don’t want to talk about that with me… fine, then make something up. Keep me entertained. I have uh… four hours to kill, now.”

Mark feels cornered and can’t stop red from tainting his cheeks. He has no lie nor story to make up as his life is already hard enough to deal with. He begins explaining the incident of the night before as well as some of the events of the preceding weeks which lead to it. Looking back at it, it seems utterly superficial and ridiculous, and he immediately regrets voicing his thoughts (but Donghyuck does not care, he gives him advice and supports his buffoonery no matter what, a true friend).

“Oh you’re actually in love with the guy. Whipped. Completely gone.”

“…Yes.”

Admitting it out loud lifts a weight off his shoulders. His eyes sting a bit, he bites his lips.

“He made you cry. If he doesn’t fix that attitude of his, I’ll move to Shithole, Nowhere, Korea myself and fix it for him.”

“That’s just how he is with everyone. It’s just frustrating to know that none of this has any meaning for him.”

And that is exactly what Mark finds so fascinating about Yukhei. How detached and joyful he always seems to be, and how this mind-set reflects on all of his facial expressions. How his demeanour is like an incarnation of typing in caps locks. He has no right to make him change.

“He’s a very caring friend and he likes to play around and have fun. That’s… it. The rest is all me. I shouldn’t have fallen for him.”

“Ugh please. Why don’t you come clean to him about those feelings? Currently, he’s just a friend who thinks you’re down to satisfy his bi-curious needs, I don’t doubt you’re more than okay with it but...”

“I should… maybe.”

“Do it or I tell your mom you ditched her for di—”

“OK! Alright. I’m going now, bye!”

“In all seriousness, though. He helps you feel not lonely, he even inspires you to write (see how I was right about this writing contest?). You do seem like you are having fun with him, so trust your feelings?”

Mark is not sure how he is meant to trust his feelings when they pushed him to shut himself away and worry Yukhei. And his feelings mostly tell him to keep things the way they are.

Yukhei did not fully grasp why he reacted this way, nor why he hurt him last night. But his sincere apology was enough to make him feel all warm inside and allow them both to start again on a sound basis nonetheless.

Mark could not possibly say he was developing feelings for him. He could not possibly explain why it harmed him so badly.

He knows his place. It is located in some uncanny valley in the middle of the pretty girls orbiting around him, the bros from the track and field team and his closer other foreigner friends. He will stop running away from now on. If Yukhei accepts him in his circle, then he will not leave his side until he pushes him away. Being with him knowing that none of the moments they will share will mean the same for them both hurts. But he will content himself with his presence and affection.

Talking to his best friend filled Mark’s mind with thoughts of Yukhei more than it already was and. He gets the energy to work on his story and his assigment can wait a little more. Over the weekend, he completes it. He can’t exactly say he is proud of what he has produced but he for sure poured all of his emotions into it and polished it to every single punctuation mark.

 

 

Donghyuck is not the only one pressuring him to confess and Renjun gives him the same advice later.

“Whatever happened that night was weird, Xuxi really behaves like a spoiled child sometimes. I talked to some of his friends and apparently he’s always like that when something does not go his way.”

“Well he had noticed that I was avoiding him, so…”

“That’s not a proper way to respond to it.”

“He knew it and he apologized.”

“Oh, you guys have made up already?”

“Uh. I mean.”

Renjun grimaces.

“Alright spare me the details. You need to tell him how you feel. It’s painful to see him so oblivious.”

Mark is convinced that no matter how free-spirited Yukhei appears to be, they now have a privileged friendship he would never neglect. But part of him is still scared that confessing his feelings would put their precarious balance at risk and he doesn't want that. Strong feelings are bothersome, and they are a threat to his flawless freedom. He vents his insecurities to Renjun who laughs without mocking him.

“I know he appears to be out of this world… out of our league. But it’s time for him to be more aware of others’ feelings?” He says. “He respects you and has a lot of affection for you. I’m sure this could work.”

Renjun has learned about Xuxi from friends of him whom he discussed with on that night. Mark wonders if hearing about someone from other people’s mouths helps understanding the person better or clouds one’s judgement. Renjun perceives him as hilarious and kind but finds him childish and selfish. Mark never thought of it that way.

“Oh, we received the schedule for midterms.” Renjun announces sternly, looking up the new notification on his phone.

“Oh my God.” Mark whines. “Now I’m anxious. Like, for real.”

“There’s less than a month left.”

“I haven’t started revising yet.”

“Me neither, man, don’t worry I think we’re all in the same boat.”

A familiar voice make them both turn around.

“Guys! We’re dead!”

 

 

 

 

Yukhei has never been stressed out by studies. He never cared much. He faces exams and hardships like a man, never backing down no matter how little he revised or knows about a subject. Yet the sudden announcement of this semester’s finals makes him realise that even if he has been taking the matter seriously for the past months, he is still not certain he can pass every exam without a hitch.

Mark was already struggling with his current assignments, so naturally Yukhei worries and wonders if he is doing all right. He wants to talk to him and maybe, reassure him some more. Though, he admits not being the type of student who can play a reassuring role in this type of situation.

He runs down the stairs to reach the lecture halls, looking around and trying to remember where Mark’s current class was supposed to take place (he knows his schedule almost as well as his own).

“Guys! We’re dead!” He yells as he spots two familiar figures sitting on the ground against the wall of Hall F.

This is definitely not how panicked he wanted to sound but those are the first words that came out of his mouth.

_There goes the reassurance._

Renjun furrows his eyebrows when he sees him. Yukhei’s antics during the celebration party made him uncomfortable and his friendliness alone does not seem to change alter it.

Mark stands up happily to greet him and when Yukhei ask him if everything is okay, he nods frantically.

“Hopefully I’m not going to let myself be submerged in the mass of work again. I worked hard this weekend and caught up. What about you?”

“You know me! I’ll be alright no matter what, it’s all okay!”

“Are you sure? If you have any problem with a subject we have in common, I can lend you my notes or we could revise together if you want.”

“You’d help me? Really?? You’re the best!”

He grabs Mark by the shoulders and shakes him around. He takes a glance at Renjun whose features have softened.

“Don’t count me in as a regular,” he says “I live far away and I don’t study in the same field.”

“It’s fine, though, if you want to get in the mood of the study session or just leave your dorm room.”

 

 

From one window to another as usual, they talk about it again in the evening when Yukhei finally gets home and Mark was already waiting for him.

“I’m glad that smile is back on your face.” he blurts out without thinking uncapping his beer bottle. He said something similar before, but he wants Mark to know it.

This is just what goes through his mind the moment he sees him greeting him with this cheerful expression, mirroring the one he made this morning. Mark shakes his head to deny the compliment, and changes subject.

“So, about those study sessions, should we set up a plan? Should we meet at your place or mine? Or maybe on the campus?”

Yukhei hums and sips on his drink to give himself some time to think of an answer.

“How about we don’t plan anything and do what feels right at the moment?”

“What feels right at the moment…” Mark repeats. “Fine by me. Then, maybe we should exchange numbers so we can reach each other and decide _when it feels right_.”

“Oh. Oh yeah, you’re right. We should’ve done that a while ago. Bad move from me.”

“Truly.”

 

 

Mark's apprehensions comeback a couple of days later, on the deadline of the writing contest.

“I’ve been working on it for weeks, I can’t even tell if it’s amazing or absolutely terrible anymore.”

“I’m sure it’s great! Will you let me read it?”

“Nope.” Mark replies dryly.

“But why? Plus you said you wrote about me!? I have the right to read what you have to say!”

“This is not what you should be focusing on right now. Okay, let’s say I’ll hand you a copy when finals are over, how does that sound?”

“Let’s do that!”

Yukhei raises his arms up in some sort of victorious pose.

“Still, I wish I could’ve worked on it some more…” Mark pouts and Yukhei is reminded of that night when he ignored every single one of Mark concerns to focus on his own.

“I really prevented you from working the other night, sorry again.”

“If I don’t get first place, it’s all your fault!”

He is fine with waiting. After all, it’s Mark’s work and it is up to him to decide.

 

 

This is still what he believes when he meets with Sicheng who offers to lend him a copy of the work. They see each other on the parking lot of the campus when Yukhei is about to go home and the older boy is roaming around there like a lost zoo animal.

“What are you doing here?” Yukhei asks as he opens his car door.

“Same as you, I’m heading home. I submitted my entry for the writing contest.”

“Oh, Mark’s just did too.”

“His story was inspired by you wasn’t it?”

“How do you know that?”

“Ten told me.”

“Of course he did…”

“Participating in the contest allows you to read other contestants’ works before the final results are issued and I happened to find his. It’s actually pretty interesting. Do you want to read it?”

For a split second Yukhei is so curious that he wants to say yes, but he stops himself from doing so and ends up declining. He trusts Mark to keep his promises and show him after finals. Yukhei was initially thinking of offering a present to Mark for being patient and taking his time to help him out so much. But day after day during those study sessions, he gets the feeling he should be the one rewarded for working so hard.

Because, for sure, Mark is a tyrant.

He is cute, but still a tyrant. (“No partying before exams end.” “No fooling around outside of breaks.”)

“But Mark! Come on! I’m tired! Let’s go out.” he snaps after an entire hour of trying to decipher the meaning of a particularly complicated paragraph about migrations. His brain is saturating.

Mark sticks his tongue out but ignores him so he pins him on the couch and nibbles his right ear and neck like a hungry dog (which he is).

“No! Yukhei! I said no! Stop! I’m the voice of authority, here!”

“The voice of what?”

Mark grunts, pulls Yukhei’s head down and kisses him. For the time they make out on this couch in Mark’s living room, Yukhei forgets about world history and boring lectures. He tugs on his clothes, ready to take them off, but the other’s grip on his wrists prevent him to do so.

It goes on until his phone’s alarm rings to signify the end of the break.

“Let’s get back to work!” Mark exclaims as if nothing happened.

Actually, Yukhei is glad they were stopped before his lack of impulse control allows him to do something he would regret doing in broad daylight. Mark makes him lose his senses and he can't pinpoint why.

 

 

 

 

Mark has always seen exams as critical stages of his life. All of them, starting from the most basic elementary school surprise test. His mom has scolded him for hours on why he shouldn’t have missed his train and how he should have come to Seoul through another way, but now he has a great excuse not to go back for another few weeks or so. Never has anything mattered more than his studies and results.

His father’s health condition has stabilized and a tumour was detected. He is meant to undergo surgery very soon. Mark pats himself on the back by calling him, and though he cannot speak clearly, he knows he agrees that he should focus on exams. He tells his mother he will visit once everything is over, during the holidays.

 

 

He never thought studying with Yukhei would be so tiring.

Their little study sessions happen whenever (study dates, according to Renjun, thank you, quitter). They text each other “let’s meet up” and suddenly they are in each other’s apartment or in a classroom, notes and highlighters spread on tables or couches. Mark thought they would just mutually support each other, ask for help if needed, and work along seriously. But he catches himself glancing at the other every three minutes, and being hyper aware of every single move he makes and sound he produces. He could write an entire novel about it right there and now (he already did, and would do it again).

As if it was not enough, Yukhei asks a lot of questions, some of which Mark does not know the answer to and which end up confusing him about the courses. It shows that he tried to follow classes but he still lacks some of the basics. Even though he is not too worried about it, Mark cannot let him down after offering his help in the first place. However for Yukhei, studious atmosphere is not incompatible with playing around, he always diverts from the main topic. It gets Mark started, he can’t resist any of it, so they don’t make much progress.

He tries to set up some rules to keep the other as focused as possible, less drinking, more sleeping, short breaks, nothing sexual. Yukhei dares calling him a tyrant. But it is just as harsh on himself.

He exasperatedly lectures him on how he should know better than to omit an entire chapter.

“It’s right there on the curriculum, how did you just forget it existed.”

“I don’t know man, I was just distracted I suppose!”

“Distracted? What about last year? You must have notes from last year, don’t you?”

Yukhei goes to his room and comes back with a folder full of sketches and unreadable notes written in a disorderly way on loose papers.

“What the heck is this?”

“Sorry, this won’t really help…?”

“No it won’t.”

Mark puts his palms over his face. Yukhei’s arms wrap around his body and as he laughs, both of them shake in unison.

“I’m sorry, Mark don’t be mad! I’m just dumb!” he rubs his face on his shoulder like a child.

“No, you’re not dumb. You’re just not investing yourself enough. I know you don’t care… much. But please. You can’t remain a college freshman your whole life. It’s lame.”

Just saying it actually sounds rebellious and fun and Mark can’t help but think it fits Yukhei perfectly. Even when he acts like an idiot, Mark finds it hard to stay mad at him.

He ends up lending his own notes so he can copy or learn on them. However, when he is back home, he realises he forgot to get them back so he texts him a reminder.

[I’ll give it back if you send sexy nudes]

The reply scares Mark and he chokes on his spit alone in his room, screaming “what!”

Even if Yukhei sees it as a game, he is taking it too far. Mark’s heart cannot follow anymore.

[You’re kidding…]

[Not at all. But if you don’t want to, it’s fine. Want mine, though?]

Yukhei does not wait for his answer and sends him a picture. He almost gets a heart attack before he notices he just sent a selfie of himself doing a kissy face.

Mark laughs and fans himself, trying to make the red go away so he looks presentable for the picture he replies with.

[Good night]

 

 

 

 

Ten’s words impacted Yukhei a lot more than he is willing to admit.

Is he obsessed with his own freedom?

He has always liked doing what he wanted, at the time he wanted, with whom he wanted. No string restraining him. Playing, having fun, it is a legitimate way to lead one’s life. Too many people have tried to control him and tell him what to do (parents, friends, relatives he talked to once a year, coaches) and he ended up wanting something completely different. Taking back control of everything. It’s not something he has ever tried to hide and anyone can guess it pretty easily.

But is he scared of attachment? In some way it would lead to him to drop control over his own emotions and probably a lot of other things. There is no clear answer. He feels lost. Thing is, he is attached to Mark way too much for his own liking. He has been conscious of it ever since he has been told Mark could be in love with him and the thought has not left him ever since.

Yukhei did say he would stop before things get too intense between them. But he acts without thinking and a second later he asks himself “what the hell am I doing?’.

Yet his desire does not cease to grow. Attraction does not cease to grow. And soon enough all of his daily life is just Mark Lee and actually has just been Mark Lee for a while.

He is as attracted to the nerdy Mark who gets angry when he does not listen to him, than to the classy Mark who shows up on campus, than to the bold and seductive Mark who takes his pants off when they are alone.

His cute frown, his round glasses hanging on the bridge on his nose, his unstylish oversized hoodies… Yukhei likes it all. He never thought he would be swayed this much by another person. But Mark has this type of right and power.

It _is_ scary.

“Okay, guys. There’s something weird I wanna ask you.” He announces, as he joins Ten and Jungwoo to the cafeteria.

“Weird? Go on.” Ten replies.

“How do you act exactly, when you’re in love?”

Ten and Jungwoo look at each other and the same knowing smile creep on their faces.

“Our baby is growing up.”

“Stop mocking me. I’m very confused, okay. I think there has been some misunderstanding somewhere along the way. You guys put an idea in my head and now I keep thinking about it, so I have to be sure I got everything in order and, you know, make sure I’m not actually messing with someone’s feelings…”

Ten interrupts his ramblings. “Alright, alright, shut up.”

“So, being in love.”

“Being in love? It’s like a bad trip.” A voice says. They look up and Sicheng sits at their table.

“I second that.”

“You guys will have to be more specific.”

“Basically sounds like a fun idea but you’re glad when it’s over and you wonder how you could even end up in this stupid state.” Ten explains. “Kind of humiliating.”

“This is so wrong.” Jungwoo objects. “Love is meant to fulfil you. When you love someone, you think about the person all the time and your heart won’t be satisfied until you see them, there’s a lot of longing, of craving. Then you meet and you know it is meant to be, here is home and nowhere else. You are willing to fight to protect this very moment, satisfaction and happi—”

“What fresh hell are you on about.”

“Life isn’t some sappy play. Wake up.”

“To sum up what he said, love makes you clingy. Maybe a little possessive, but you already are.” Ten remarks.

“I wasn’t talking about me.” Yukhei attempts to lie.

“I hope so. It’s not for you. Don’t bother yourself with that.” Sicheng assures him. He looks at Yukhei intensely.

“What do you mean? He’s trying hard to understand how he feels, to change and give himself a chance to love. Isn’t that great?”

“I don’t know, hyung, I don’t get heartbroken every other day so I wouldn’t know.”

“What does this clown know about love? What is he doing here? Security!” Ten fumes. He points accusingly at Sicheng who ignores him entirely.

Yukhei watches them arguing back and forth, not completely sure who is right and what he should deduce from what they all said. He is actually even more confused.

“I didn’t dial the desperate gays’ hotline, yet there I am.” He complains.

“You’re just as desperate and gay as us.”

“I… Yeah? But Mark—”

“Look, if he gave you a blowjob right after getting mistreated like that, not only is he gay but he’s also very in love with you and an absolute idiot.”

“I would’ve run you over with my car.”

“Guys…”

He receives a texts from Mark, telling him to “get his ass here immediately”. He needs to see him. He stands up and shuffles away from the table. They are back at arguing and, from the corner of his eye, he can see Jungwoo winking at him.

 

 

Dong Sicheng won first place in the writing contest. Mark was awarded an honourable mention but seemed pretty satisfied with him. Contrary to him, he does not seem to like competing that much.

The results announcement is quickly followed by the beginning of finals week which is as unpleasant as Yukhei remembered it to be. However he got through it with the sentiment he actually knew what he was doing, this time.

When all of their exams are over, his initial wish is to throw a party with everyone to celebrate the end of the semester and the beginning of the holidays. However when he suggests it to Jungwoo, his friend comes up with something else.

“Why don’t you invite Mark for dinner? To thank him for saving your ass from repeating the year one more time.”

“That’s the most excellent idea one has ever had and I’m so glad you are my friend.”

“I was not finished. It's also to confess that—”

“Yes, yes.”

_Confess what, exactly?_

At first Mark is taken aback by the idea of a fancy dinner together as a celebration but Yukhei insists, telling him he has to repay him for being so patient over the past few weeks. Mark keeps telling him he does not have to, that he deserves something just as much for working hard and progressing so well (Yukhei kind of agrees on this one. He deserves an award for handling frustration so well).

“Just look around for places you'd like to try out and I'll take you there.”

Mark chooses a small Italian restaurant downtown. It’s a surprising yet pleasing choice since Yukhei has never been there either. It’s calm but a bit crowded. They are assigned a small rectangular table and eat their pasta face to face, separated by a candle and a bottle of wine they randomly picked from the menu.

They dressed classily for the occasion. Everything feels like a dinner date. The way Mark looks at him feels like a dinner date. He wonders if it also looks like a date from outside but nobody pays attention to them, really. Maybe someone would, usually, but Yukhei can’t be his usual self no matter how much he tries. He knows he is meant to confess and he looks for the right moment to talk and says what troubles him. But in this kind of atmosphere, every moment seems like the right one.

He is nervous and everything he says comes off as serious and calculated so Mark ends up noticing it.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah?? No problem, uh... I was just thinking, are you going to let me read your story?”

Mark blushes vigorously and Yukhei is sure it’s not from the alcohol. He hides his face in his hands in the most endearing of ways.

“So, you remember...”

“Yes! I wanna see. It’s me, after all.”

“I'll show you, then. I’m not leaving during the holidays, so...”

“Yeah I’m not leaving either. I like it here.”

_I like it here with you._

They talk about exams for the rest of the dinner, which one was hard, which one was easy (none). Of course, Mr. Cho’s was the one he struggled with the most but thanks to Mark’s help beforehand, it was manageable. They take a dessert and Yukhei marvels at how good it is, making Mark laugh at him in the process. He refuses to split the bill despite the other’s protests and they argue about it when they get outside.

“You really didn’t have to pay for everything, though… I’m paying you back right now.” Mark is obviously flustered, he reaches for his wallet in his pocket.

“No, it’s fine” Yukhei stops him. “Let’s stay outside. You’ll buy me a drink.”

“Oh you want to go clubbing? You missed that, didn’t you?”

“Can’t say I didn’t. I’m sure you did too. So, you’re in?”

“Touché. Let’s go.”

Without taking the car, they walk all the way to the club. Since Yukhei did not find the strength to tell Mark how he feels yet, he decided to extend their night together. He knew Mark would be down for it since he experienced the same three weeks of voluntary frustration.

 

 

It’s still early but the club is already crowded with college students who all had the same idea to release pressure. It’s far from being the only club around the campus but it is a quite popular one, notably amongst Yukhei’s friends. Now he is with Mark, there is no one he particularly wants to meet with and he blames himself for not thinking about it and suggesting another place.

Mark buys them a drink. They have not walked in there since that night when Mark came to find him in tears. Thankfully, it’s all forgotten now, and Mark has not given him the cold shoulder again, Yukhei would not have known how to deal with it. Though their relationship has not changed, everything is different in his head.

“Last time I went here I completely flipped out. You’d think with the pressure from exams and two majors to manage it would happen again, but I was fine and it’s all thanks to you. Being with you all this time has helped me a lot. You’re like… my safety valve?”

Yukhei has no idea what it means but he is glad to also have been a support for Mark. He pets his head and caresses his cheek softly. His pretty eyes light up, he is used to his flirting and reacts accordingly. He turns his head to the side so his hand now covers the bottom of his face. He mouth at his palm and kisses it gently and looking at him suggestively and Yukhei’s words get stuck in his throat. He smirks when Mark breaks into giggles.

“I’m really lucky to have met you.”

“What! That’s my line!” He grabs Mark’s face with both hands and pinches his cheeks.

They are interrupted by cooing noises coming from behind their tables. Yukhei’s teammates are here, they wave at him and make comments about how he disappeared on them the last time. He shrugs, he can do whatever he wants. One of them recognises Mark and more unwanted comments burst forth.

“Oh, you’re Mark? So you didn’t give up on him? Careful, this guy is a player!”

“I know, I don’t care.”

A smile forms on Mark’s face, he’s calm. Yukhei wonders if he really gives off a player vibe, considering he never talked about his past partners.

“Well aren’t you getting confident? You heard that Xuxi? He’s determined.” He wraps an arm around Mark’s shoulder, pushing himself a tad too close.

Mark shrugs him off and laugh. “Determined? We’re friends, don’t get the wrong idea.”

Yukhei nods slowly as he feels his heart sinks down his guts. They are friends. He has always insisted that they were. That’s right, their current relationship, exempt of clear labels and bothersome constraints is much more interesting. So why is it so annoying to hear?

“Piss off, leave us be.” He grits.

“Are they always like this?” Mark asks when they’re gone, his expression switching to a concerned pout.

“Nah, they probably just want to tease us.”

They have done it before and probably will keep doing so.

 

 

When dancing, they stay incredibly close to one another (unbearably so) and as always Yukhei knows it will not end just like this. He anticipates what will come next and wants to drag Mark away from the crowd immediately. However tonight, Mark is in the mood to dance all night long. The world around him is his and he engulfs everything in his trance like a black hole. Yukhei is used to be the centre of attention, of everything. He hates being tossed to the side and being dependent of something else, but that’s fine if it’s Mark. He is okay being just another cosmic fragment eaten up by him.

This time he does not cower away, he kisses Mark when he wants to, he touches him all over even though they are in public. It attracts the looks of his friends, who start surrounding them again.

“Don’t you guys have anything else to do? Leave us alone.”

“Never thought I’d see the day where you’d become so territorial. With a guy, at that.”

Mark is pulled away from him by one of them who starts grinding himself against him ungracefully.

“That’s my own problem. You guys are already plastered, just go home.”

From the looks the security guard addresses them, Yukhei can tell they have almost been kicked out already. Although amused at first, Mark becomes uncomfortable and tells him to stop and other things Yukhei can’t hear.

“Yuta hyung, stop it.” He warns, thinking adding his voice would make him reasonable.

Yuta doesn’t stop, instead he starts spilling some obscenities which don’t make anyone laugh, until Yukhei’s fist collides with his face.

This is the first time he has ever hit someone. He never thought he would.

Yuta’s nose is barely bleeding, it was just enough to smack some sense into him. Thankfully, Yukhei is not kicked out because they all have the decency to make an arrangement and take the blame for what happened. He still has to go cool himself off outside or in the bathroom, where he goes after asking Mark if he’s alright about seven times.

He splashes his face with cold water and when he comes back, he does not see him at the spot where he was waiting. He scans the place and quickly notices he is not there so he runs outside. Mark is already quite far, running away from the club. He chases after him and catches up easily.

“Where are you going? You wanna go home already?”

He grabs his arm and Mark shoves him away brutally.

“Don’t touch me, leave me alone.”

“What’s going on? Did they come back?”

“Stop acting dumb. I’m tired of this. You have no idea how much it hurts. Renjun was right you only think about yourself.”

He stares at him, biting the inside of his cheeks before turning around and running away, leaving Yukhei alone in the middle of the street, under the flickering lamp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh yeah so character development, Yukhei finds out that he actually might actually like Mark and can’t fight it. Still can’t say it though, be patient with him.  
> Not so character development: Nayuta. He grinds on a minion, im sure he would grind on Mark in a club. Don’t worry yall he’ll get his redemption arc  
> anyways, about the weekly updates, it’s just a pretty dream, I won’t be able to keep this up because I don’t have enough material written in advance + my classes start again in about a month or less and I’ll have things to prepare for. I’ll just update whenever! ^^


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey it’s been a while! Nothing much to say apart from sorry?? I want to thank everyone who supports this story and keeps up with my inconsistent updates. :D Please enjoy this "emotionally charged" chapter (it's a long one too!)

Yukhei has no idea what is going on. He calls Mark one last time but the other does not answer so he decides not to run after him. If there is some explaining to do, it is better to wait until he calms down. For a moment, he thinks highly of himself for reacting in such a mature way. A second later he finds the blinking of the lamp above annoying enough for him to kick into the pole and hurt his foot.

“Ah, shit, fuck, shit.”

He leans back on the wall and sits down to massage the painful extremity. When the pain goes away, he takes out a cigarette from his back pocket and lights it up. He presses two fingers on his forehead as he exhales smoke, trying to think about what happened tonight and what could have led Mark to react the way he did. Nothing comes to his mind apart from the eventuality of him actually wanting to dance with Yuta which was highly unlikely.

He feels drained and could fall asleep immediately sitting there. Acting like a drunkard would not change the situation.

He reluctantly gets up and wobbles a little before stabilizing himself against the wall. The flickering light is behind him now but it’s still taunting him restlessly, reminding him that there are things he cannot do anything about. He does not want to go home. Instead, he decides to go back to the club and do what he does best. The night is just getting started.

He soon finds acquaintances, Yeri arrived there in the meantime. This is not a place she usually frequents, but she is accompanied by a group of friends from the student association who are known to enjoy long nights. He joins them at the bar and all the girls seem pleased. He buys a drink to the tallest one, who politely accepts it. He knows he might have been too bold since she is older than him, but he could not help himself.

“Girls’ night out!” he yells over the music.

“It was until you came along.” Yeri chuckles. “But I’m glad you’re here, I don’t think I can keep up with them.”

Yukhei is pleased to see his presence is reassuring for at least one person on this planet. He invites the other girl to dance.

 

 

Yukhei wakes up with a throbbing headache. He groans in pain as he straightens up his equally painful back which was resting on the hard base of an old couch. A Snoopy blanket falls from over him and Jungwoo enters his field of view.

“Hi Sleepy Prince. How’s the head?”

Instead of answering, Yukhei emits a long moan, akin to an agonizing man.

“What the hell happened to you last night? Like, what actually possessed you?” Jungwoo asks as he hands him a tall glass of water.

Yukhei slowly drinks half of it before replying.

“I wish I knew.”

Yukhei’s raspy voice struggles emitting coherent sounds.

“I’m hungry.”

“Sorry, I don’t have Xuxi food.”

“What’s that mean?”

“I don’t currently have a meal for ten people in my fridge. Actually I just have milk and rests.”

“That’ll do.”

He stands up with difficulty to let himself fall onto a chair at the table five steps away. Jungwoo empties the fridge on the table and pours him a glass of milk.

“It’s only 7AM. You’re a mad man. Couldn’t you just let me sleep?” Yukhei asks when he spots the clock on the wall. Jungwoo shrugs.

“I’m leaving today, I’m going to see my family. I don’t have time to wait until you get your beauty sleep.”

There’s a suitcase ready in Jungwoo’s living room and jackets are spread on chairs around the table.

“Oh. Then what am I doing here?”

“You blacked out? For real?”

“Sorta?”

“Yeri called Ten because you passed out on her. Ten called me because he was busy so I went to retrieve you at 4AM, and I brought you here.”

“I’ll have to apologize to her…”

“And me? Apologize to Yuta, too.”

“Mh? News travel fast.”

“Sicheng was there he texted us when it happened.”

“He was there? We didn’t see each other at all.”

“You spent your night with him and the girls, though.”

“Fuck, I really don’t remember anything…”

“That’s what I thought.”

“I remember Yuta was the one who started it though! He wasn’t in his right mind at all. He made Mark super uncomfortable.”

Mark. What happened with Mark last night? Why did he do that? He said he would wait until things settle down but he has no idea what to do next.

“Like you never did that before.”

_Ouch._

“Wow.”

“Yup.”

“Then Mark disappeared and told me to stop following him? I don’t get it, though. I have no idea where I messed up.”

“Since the very beginning?”

“No, no, since you guys put weird ideas in my head, making everything complicated.”

“See, that’s your problem. I thought you were trying to change that.”

Jungwoo puts his hands on each side of his head, mimicking wearing blinders.

“I tried to change because I thought about what Ten hyung told me. Obviously that didn’t help much. You guys are just messing with my head.” He scoffs.

“He’s right though, you never take things seriously.”

Every time someone tells him this, Yukhei feels an untamed rage rising within him.

“Coming from a dude whose entire take on one’s personality is based on what they're majoring in? How is that anything serious?”

“Some of them are pretty spot on.”

“Most of them aren’t.”

Jungwoo rolls his eyes. “Back to Mark. I’m not telling you to be a hopeless romantic like me. But you love him, don’t you?”

“Stop with your trick questions.”

“This is not a trick question, I’m just asking because I thought you came to this conclusion when we had this conversation.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “Gosh you’re so frustrating. Now there’s another obstacle, you’re backtracking? Are you really that scared? Or is it just more denial?”

Yukhei passes his hand through his hair, grumbling as Jungwoo keeps talking.

“Shut up. I’m leaving.”

“Xuxi…”

Yukhei grabs his car and house keys left on the shelf and takes his phone, checking for new messages. Nothing from Mark, or anyone else for that matter. He shoves it all down his deep pockets and heads eagerly towards the exit.

“Wait, I’ll drive you home. Or to your car if you want.”

“No I’m fine, I can walk, leave me alone.”

“You’re a big baby, you know that?”

“And you’re even more of a baby, duh.”

“Fair enough.”

Jungwoo addresses him a tender smile as to let him know he is sorry for prying.

 

 

Yukhei leaves his place, he takes the elevator and looks at himself in the mirror in the back. He is pale, nearly grey, and has bags under the eyes. His shaggy hair is standing on his head like a being of its own. His dress shirt is all wrinkled, there is an ugly red stain and a button is missing. He lets his shoulder rest against the wall and his head fall to the side for a few seconds, just enough time to empty his mind and let the throbbing pain settle in. He sees the elevator doors open behind him when he reaches the ground floor.

He nonchalantly walks out and leaves the building. He is a bit disoriented and the bright sun blinds him at first. He cover his eyes with his hand in order to find his way. He takes the bus back to the neighbourhood where he parked his car. He’s on autopilot, the slight apprehension of discovering his car has been vandalized during the night is the only emotion he feels. He did not ask to be alone to have time to think. He wanted time to not think.

When he gets home he takes a hot shower and immediately goes to sleep.

 

 

Heavy rain sounds wake him up in the late afternoon. He crawls out of his bed and walks up to the window to watch buckets of water pouring on the balcony. It stagnates a little and the surplus flows away to the edge (he let his socks dry on the guardrail, oh well). Rainy season has begun.

He falls back onto his bed and goes through the notifications on his phone. Yuta apologizing, Jungwoo posting pictures of his hometown on social media… He scrolls down past all of it aimlessly, or more precisely looking for something which isn’t there. Mark still has not sent him any message regarding last night’s incident. It makes no sense.

[Hey, we need to talk.]

But Mark does not reply.

Yukhei watches and expects. A two-day long wait during which he spends his time practicing at the stadium, running until he can’t move a muscle. It helps him calm his nerves and it’s healthier than smoking (which he does too anyway).

Mark retreated into silence and is walking around in his kitchen as if he had not ignored Yukhei’s text for a little over forty-eight hours.

“Mark. Hey, Mark!” He snaps at last.

He is not sure the other can hear him so he yells louder again a few times. He throws his indoor shoe at the window and it crashes on a trash can three floors under. He groans and crushes his cigarette before throwing away the butt.

“Mark! Open the window! For God’s sake! Maaark Maaaaaark Minhyu—”

EVentually Mark responds, with evident brutality.

“Shut up, now! Are you out of your mind? Everyone can hear you scream.”

“Then fucking act like it.” Yukhei retorts.

It sounds extremely harsh and Mark is shocked. His expression falls, and he anxiously looks away.

“As I said, we need to talk.”

“Well, I’m here now, talk.”

“Erm, then… What is going on? Why won’t you talk to me since last time? Have I done something insensitive?”

Again.

“Playing the oblivious card won’t help.”

“I really don’t know what you’re on about.”

“You saw everything that was written there. I know, no need to act innocent. Why don’t you tell me about it?”

“Written…? You… know? But I really don’t. I’m an idiot and I speak bad Korean. Just… explain to me.”

“You think it’s fun to keep it on and on forever…”

Yukhei is about to reply when Renjun appears, pulling Mark away and telling him not to bother himself with him, that he isn’t prepared to be honest yet. However, Yukhei has never been this honest. He is trying his hardest to take the situation seriously. If he was not being honest, he would not have gone as far as begging Mark to talk to him in the first place.

“Stay out of this, Renjun. It’s none of your damn business.” He hisses at him in mandarin.

“I know it’s not. But arguing and yelling like that without understanding each other won’t do much. You need to actually take responsibility for your actions. Until then just stay away from him. Let him live.”

“That makes no sense, you’re not his mom. What responsibility, he never told me about any “responsibility”, that’s bullshit.” He mumbles more to himself.

His ramblings crash against the now closed window.

He tries to make sense of what they told him but he can’t. It’s like a jigsaw puzzle with a missing piece. It’s like playing a game with a child who makes up rules as it goes. Mark is a problem child. And no matter how pointless it seems to him, he listens to that child’s mother (Renjun) and stays away from him. If he keeps insisting, it will only make things worse. He knows Mark can be moody, so he hopes anger still has yet to fade away and that he will come back to him by himself for more explanations. There is no science backing this, it is just his wishful thinking; and all certitude about Mark’s decision is definitely gone. He is way too unpredictable.

He practices all day long to make it seem quicker. Running in circles calms him down. If it rains too much, he stays in his apartment to work out and contemplates doing many other things to distract himself without deciding: Randomly calling one of his exes for some fun times, even going back to Hong Kong, anything sounds better than actively thinking about Mark 24/7.

He goes out at night, but only for a drink or two, quickly annoyed by students who stayed back in town asking him when and where the next party is.

No, nothing sounds better than thinking about Mark 24/7.

 

 

Nakamoto Yuta is an endurance runner and one of the most hardworking members of the team. He started coming back to the stadium regularly to practice as well so Yukhei is never alone.

“Hey, Xuxi. It’s been about two weeks and you never texted back when I apologized for that night, I just wanted to make sure we were still okay…”

“It’s alright, it’s all forgotten, now.”

He wipes sweat off his face with his wristband, watching as the usually confident Japanese athlete is fidgeting and looking down at his feet.

“Really, though. It was just a stupid prank. Looking back to it, I realised how gross it was.”

“A prank?”

“Yeah, more or less? Sicheng suggested I danced with Mark to see your reaction.”

“Sicheng asked you, and you did? Just like that?”

“Yeah, if you put it this way…”

“Why would he ask for that?”

“Since he saw us bothering you before, he wanted to take it a bit further? I guess he was just bored? I don’t know, it was crass and I’m sorry. Especially since you guys are a couple. I didn’t know, honestly. But it doesn’t really matter whether you’re a couple or not, it was terrible either way. I should have apologized to Mark but I don’t know him well and I had no way to…”

Yuta keeps talking but Yukhei stops listening. He thinks about Sicheng and what else he could have done to mess with him. Or with Mark. Jungwoo told him he was there when it all took place and that he reported it to everyone. This should have alarmed him way earlier, it hits him that he might be the source of all of his problems. He thinks hard, trying to find a link with Mark’s words of accusation. Yuta stops talking and stares, his lips forming into a confused ‘o’.

Knowing? Lying? Sicheng could have told Mark anything when he was away.

“Is everything alright?”

“Hyung, you gotta tell me where I can find him.”

 

 

 

 

When Yukhei left Mark to go to the bathroom, the latter decided to wait for him outside in order to avoid people’s stares.

“Hi. Are you alright?”

“Ah, yes, don’t worry.”

Dong Sicheng was there, the cigarette he was holding between his fingers was long and slim, much like him. After seeing him during at daytime at the campus, Mark could not believe that this night bird was the same person.

“Congratulations again.” He said simply, in reference to his first place in the writing contest.

“Thank you. But your work was really interesting as well.”

Mark is startled. “Oh, you read it?”

“Of course, I did when you submitted it. I was curious.”

“Sometimes I wonder what went through me to show something so personal.” He was glad street lamps were not enough to light up his red face.

“It’s okay, with a pen-name, no one can know.”

Mark could argue that Sicheng, even without knowing him personally, could guess it right away.

“Now the results are published, it does not matter. Everyone is more interested in the first prize anyway. I wonder who else could have read it back then?” he asked. He could not help but be curious about how many of Yukhei's acquaintances had actually known before him.

“Only the participants. And Xuxi, but you know that.” Sicheng replied indifferently.

“What…? He did? I didn’t know…”

“You didn’t? I thought he would definitely have to talk to you after that. What an asshole.”

He cut their conversation short and left right after, unable to face the other any longer.

 

 

Mark did not sleep that night. He furiously walked home and got there exhausted. However, he could not sleep. He finds himself ridiculous to be so worked up over everything Yukhei does. His feelings are painful. Love hurts. He established this already. He was ready to accept it, to live with it as long as he could be with him.

Until then he never thought Yukhei did any of it intentionally. The realisation that he lied and was perfectly aware of everything made him snap again.

No matter what happens he cannot hate him. It’s frightening and truly foolish. He is scared of Yukhei and this love which makes him forget about everything else (It’s been a while since Donghyuck called and gave any news. Has Renjun passed the midterms just fine? How is the situation evolving on his parents’ side?).

He cries in frustration. He is close to call him back, ask for forgiveness, make up an excuse about his behaviour (that guy grinding on him would make a good culprit, this time), do whatever he wants again.

He is not as emotionally weak as he was the last time, however. His pride gets in the way.

Less insecure for having spent weeks studying with Yukhei, alone together, knowing that for those moments he was his and his only. Less insecure for knowing that his body still has the same effect on him. Yukhei is in the wrong. He has to know. He will be the one to apologize without Mark having to move a finger.

Not reacting is hard for him when he wants to so badly. He feels lonely and useless weeping all night long into his pillow. He could call Donghyuck, but telling him about how he is crying about the same boy again would worry him and certainly create a fuss. But he does not want to feel alone so he messages Renjun.

[Hey man, how are you? Are you going back to China for the holidays?]

[I am but I still have a whole week left here. Wanna meet up?]

[Sure, you can come to my place if you want. Like, right now.]

 

 

Renjun does not let him wait. He is bored in his dorm and says he would rather spend more time with Mark than alone.

He gets there in an hour. Mark opens the door for the shorter boy who greets him warmly with a hug. Upon seeing his face up close and scrutinizing it, he pulls him into a much longer and warmer embrace.

“Are you okay?”

Mark nods before shrugging. “I, um… I’m glad you’re here.”

“I brought ice cream.” His friend announces, raising the white plastic bag he is holding.

He goes to the kitchen and puts it into the freezer. Ice cream rhymes with comfort. Mark can’t hide his excitement and gratefulness. This is just a cup of ice cream but the attention makes him happy, even if he didn't know he needed it.

“You look like you went through… something.”

They sit on the couch and Mark lets his head fall back as he sighs. “No, it’s nothing.”

“Is it about him…?”

Mark stares at him, not knowing if he should ask “who?” or “how do you know?”. Clearly the answer is just “yes”.

“It’s my 7th sense.” Renjun adds before he gets to reply. “What happened?”

Mark explains his encounter with Sicheng and what he can recollect from their conversation.

“I just realised he has known about my feelings for a while, hid it from me, ignored it, took profit from it. That, or he is super dense. Oh my God, I really should apologize for snapping like that...”

“Look, no. You don’t.”

Renjun grabs his face and looks at him straight in the eye.

“I’m not in the best position to give this kind of advice, but listen.” He takes a deep breathe. “How come he’s always your first priority? You dropped your assignments for him, you wrote a fifteen pages long love confession for him, you cancelled your trip to Seoul to see your best friend and your family for him, you wasted hours you could just use to revise to be a teacher _for him_. Is he the only thing on this planet?”

(Mark is tempted to say that yes, he is.)

“He’s getting too much to your head. He takes too much space.” Renjun emphasizes the last word by showing a large gap between his hands. “Too much of your life. I mean… I guess he’s that kind of person…”

“But I like him.”

“That… That, I know. I just don’t think it’s very healthy.”

For once, Renjun’s words are showering him in doubt instead of being soothing. Thinking about being infatuated is one thing, hearing someone else say it feels like a personal attack.

“Then again, I think I’m suited to give this kind of advice. Please don’t make that face… All I’m saying right now is that you should wait to at least see if he is willing to take the first step and apologize or explain himself… or something…” Renjun gets lost in his sentence and scratches the back of his head, giving Mark an apologetic look. “Ice cream?”

“Ice cream.”

They change topics and talk about finals. It then makes sense that Renjun brought ice cream. Strangely enough, it became a much lighter matter for Mark.

 

 

Renjun stays with him all night, and when Yukhei texts him, he tells him not to answer. He is also there when they finally talk, so he thinks he has to act dignified and ends up being more ruthless than he should have been. He looked genuinely confused and angry. It hurts to reject him like that even though it should probably be satisfying not to be the one to give in.

Day after day, he has to avoid getting too close to the window and try not to make too much noise that could catch his attention. Restraining himself to see and talk to him makes him feel like he is on a long and damaging diet. He does not long he will be able to keep it up. He gives himself one more week at best.

As for the rest, he goes on with his daily life as usual, taking a well-deserved rest through activities he has enjoyed since the very beginning in this city. He is reminded of how he was when he first arrived. This place is still the same. He is still the same, conflicted, at war with himself (except this time, it’s just because of a boy).

But everything feels infinitely more familiar; he is at home. He greets old people from the neighbourhood church.

“We did not see you much, recently. You had exams to take, right? I’m sure a smart boy like you can succeed in everything.”

“I hope so…”

“Even if you don’t, it’s alright. You can always bounce back. Are you going to see you parents during those holidays, they must be proud of a child like you.”

He was not expecting such compliments. “I… I don’t…”

“Oh! Oh, I’m so sorry… I really talk too much.”

Mark wonders why he hesitated to give a clear answer. The old woman ended up misinterpreting his words.

It does not matter because it's not like his parents were planning on visiting him anyway. It reminds him to pray for his father.

 

 

His mother calls when he is sitting down at a coffee shop, waiting for rain to stop so he can go home without getting soaked. The call startles him, he drops his notebook and pen.

“I was waiting for you to call me.” He lies. At least, he won’t feel obligated to do so.

“You could have at least told me how your exams went.”

“I can’t say anything until the results are out. I am just hoping for the best.”

“That is not like you.”

That is very much like him. He does not want to argue so he lets her have the last word.

“Is this why you called?”

“Yes, since you never tell me anything. I care about you.”

Even with a ill husband, she still puts her son's personal success first, what a thoughtful mother. She does not talk about him at first, and Mark finds it strange. He listens to her rant about the dark and cold atmosphere of the hospital without properly landing on the topic. He figures she wants him to ask, so he does.

“He needs to recover, he has been considerably weakened by surgery. They failed to remove all cancerous tissues so he has to stay for additional treatments. He’s holding on.” She sounds upset as if she was hearing the news for the first time as well. “You said you would come back. When are you planning to? It would be nice if you could before August 2nd. Since your brother will be put on probation, he will probably come too.”

Every time he asked, she refused to give any information about his brother’s whereabouts. To him, it is obvious she is using him as a bait to get him to come back. He actually told her he would. However, he said he would stay to Yukhei. He currently has no reason to keep his promise with the other boy and going to see his family would be natural considering the situation but something is holding him back.

“I don’t know when. Are you sure about brother?”

“You can never be sure with him. Ungrateful child.”

She avoids the question entirely and it is unsurprising.

He gets to talk to his father too, he sounds exactly the same as last time and Mark wonders if his health got any better. Talking with him is still a fairly unpleasant experience but he makes an effort and says some comforting words.

His father does not care at all for those and just tells him to come home soon.

His mother then invites him to call back when he gets his exams results or when he knows when he will be back. It seems like she understood that forcing him will be no use.

As soon as he hangs up, Mark wants to go home and take a power nap.

 

 

 

 

Unreachable most of the time and never where one expects him to be, Yukhei had little hope to get ahold of Sicheng and have him explain what he did or say. Fortunately, Yuta had to meet with him at the arcade later that day and it made things significantly easier.

The retro arcade is crowded, full of students enjoying their holidays. With weak coloured neon lights and patterned carpets on the floor, it looks like it is originated from another timeline yet it still attracts a lot of people, him included.

He passes by the reception and enters.

“Sir you need to register!”

“I won’t be staying long, don’t worry.”

Yuta who was right behind him distracts the man by asking about premium membership while Yukhei runs to find Sicheng, playing some racing game.

“Dong Sicheng? Hey, I’m talking to you!”

“What do you want?” he answers, only when the digital pixelated car crashes against a boundary stone.

“What did you tell Mark?”

“You don’t know?”

He puts a coin back into the machine and an annoying ringing sound indicates the beginning of a new race. He relates what happened, succeeding in putting the blame on Mark who allegedly kept asking questions about who could have read his contest entry.

“The inquiry was odd. I simply said what he visibly wanted to hear.”

“I refused to read it! It was a blatant lie! Why!?”

“I did lie. Was it blatant? Not really, since he believed it. I wonder how many times you let him down for him to accept it just like that.”

If Ten and Jungwoo try to help and make things easier from him, this Chinese fellow is the exact opposite. Yukhei grabs him by the shoulder and forces him to focus on him instead of the game. Sicheng shakes his head, joking about getting punched in the face. The feeling of hitting someone is about as terrible as being hit, Yukhei has no plan of doing it again. He thinks he sees some guilt in the other’s glance who tries to divert his eyes again.

Mark was offended about him reading his work behind his back and lying. It was understandable that he would react this way from being wronged by a friend, however he still thinks the situation has blown out of proportion. He will have to clarify this once and for all.

“He won’t talk to me now. Why has it become like this?”

He is desperately thinking out loud, looking for a way to get Mark to trust him again. It’s Sicheng’s fault but he can’t even get mad, his priority is to fix things and Mark is the only matter on his mind.

“I’d say you had it coming but I’d sound like Ten. You’re blind and in denial. Trust me this spared you more problems than to read it yourself.  I think he got the hint, now. It’s nothing to work yourself up over.”

“What hint? I like him too.” He blurts out. For a couple of seconds, the world around him stops.

But it seems even more surprising to the other than it is to himself.

“You what, now?”

 

 

He does not know. He said it without being sure. This type of infatuation is new to him, he cannot name it. He plans on solving it all with Mark when he tells that he still has yet to read the short story he inspired him to write.

At around 4PM, when driving home he coincidentally finds Mark walking home from the park (no, driving in circles in the neighbourhood does not count as looking for Mark, it was a true coincidence). He rolls down the window.

“Mark!”

The other’s eyes widen and he turns in the other direction.

“Mark, please!”

Yukhei starts driving in reverse, following Mark’s pace.

“I beg you, listen to me I have something to tell you…”

Finally, he brutally turns again. He starts saying something when a car arriving behind Yukhei starts honking furiously at them and they get insulted with words he has never heard before.

“Get in!”

Mark does not take time to think and opens the door to sit next to him. Yukhei tries not to show how relieved he is. He starts driving again, raising a hand to apologize to other driver.

“So…” He clears his throat. Mark’s presence is making him nervous, he feels like he is given his very last chance to explain himself and he cannot mess it up. In a few minutes, they will be home. He has to act fast.

Mark is sulking. Still, in a cute kind of way, arms crossed over his chest, refusing to look at Yukhei who looks at him more than at the road.

“What!” Mark says as they make eye contact. “Haven’t you taken enough advantage of it? For me to do things for you, _to you_ … you know I wouldn’t say no. Does it boost your ego to have someone head over heels for you, ready for everything? I can’t believe you actually this much of a narcissist that you wouldn't even bother to reject me. What do you have to say?”

Mark talks fast and low, and the words pass by Yukhei’s head like water through a sieve. He tries to process them and not crash them both into the side of the road like Sicheng did on the arcade game earlier.

“I like you.”

Mark clicks his tongue, but he is visibly shaken up by Yukhei’s faked aplomb. “What kind of save is that?”

“I’m not sure what Sicheng has told you exactly but I’ve never read anything of what you’ve written for the contest, if that’s really what you’re mad about. I just had a word with him.”

“And why would he lie about it?”

“I don’t know? To mess with you, to make things move, to make me react like everyone has tried to—ugh.” They enter the building’s parking lot and he suddenly brakes to park at the nearest spot.

“I don’t know what you wrote there so I’m not sure. What I know is that I think that I like you… probably…” Yukhei mutters.

“But after all that you might have an idea, don’t you?” Mark replies in an even smaller voice than before. “I’m so so so so sorry for treating you like that. I really thought you read it and just decided it was alright to keep acting the way you did with me, and let me make a fool out of myself… In the end I did anyway.”

He fiddles with his fingers and keeps his eyes low, he seems terrified. Yukhei's heart aches a lot.

Of course he has an idea, because he has just told him.

“That’s why I think you should let me read it?”

“You’re going to be so weirded out.”

“Then let me be weirded out. At least we’ll know for certain.”

_I actually want to be weirded out._

 

 

Mark opens the car door and they part awkwardly after a handshake.

The next day, Yukhei finds on his balcony two notebooks respectively labelled ‘1’ and ‘2’. He recognizes the first one to be the one Mark brought at the stadium. Yukhei’s heart jumps when he remembers how he shyly admitted that he was fuelling his inspiration.

After studying on his notes, he got used to Mark’s handwriting. It’s round and it flows effortlessly, much like his writing itself. As someone who usually struggle in Korean with anything that is not a history course or a menu in a restaurant, he does not find it difficult to read.

It tells the story of a man who incarnates youth in the eyes of a narrator who progressively falls in love and gets to live eternally young as well. It’s nonfiction but he can’t accept it at first. When Mark told him, he thought it would be interesting to be the main character of a novel. Now, he cannot wrap his head about the fact that he is the one portrayed here, that he is the one Mark thought so much about. He reads it in a detached way, not letting all the praise and adulation get to him.

Only when he is finished, he realises it. He closes notebook 2 and stares at the wall, grinning dumbly.

He rethinks about everything he just read and opens it again, just to make sure. Some lines in particular strike him more than others. Not necessarily because they are ego-boosting descriptions or compliments, or depict how in love Mark actually is (he likes those too), but because they give him a different image of himself. A more positive one.

 

 

_He runs like he is the wind, freer than I will ever be. He flies in circles around the stadium yet he is advancing further and he is heading higher than everyone else. A free soul that God let decide of its own destiny, not burdening itself with our basic problems. He shapes himself and creates himself._

Does he, really?

_This is the true meaning of living, I finally realised. I have been wasting my youth all this time. Even if I can’t I will try and move as fast as him._

Who is he, the man who runs like he is flying, freer than Mark will ever be?

_And my heart beats a little faster every time I see him, I’m wasting my time longing for something I will never have but I am not wasting my youth because I know that with him, I will always feel the best._

I hope so.

_His godly looks, the sound of his voice, the touch of his fingertips, his scent, his kiss… all my senses are attacked. I love. I love so much. Every second that passes, I’ve never been so old, yet never felt so young._

And Yukhei relates to this. Mark has won once again. He is right about everything.

Yukhei extends his arms and makes big gestures to catch Mark's attention. He does not seem reluctant but simply shy and it makes his heart tighten. It is obvious now, that he loves him. He feels ridiculous for denying both of their feelings.

He tries to put himself in Mark's shoes, and wonders how he could tolerate it for so long. Everything makes sense now.

Mark poured his feelings in this. Every single word is calculated to express how much he loves. Yukhei wishes he could do the same but no matter in what language he tries, he faces some sort of invisible wall.

“Did you read it?” Mark asks. He keeps avoiding his eyes and Yukhei inclines his head to try looking into them.

“I read it all. In one sitting.”

“ _Oh my god_.”

Mark hides his face in his hands and whines.

“Mark.”

“This is so embarrassing.”

“Look at me.”

“No.”

“I love you.”

Mark covers his ears and keep his eyes shut. “Yah… don't say it.”

“Mark, I like you. I love you. It took me so long to accept that you liked me even though everyone told me so. And to realise I’ve been liking you for a while as well.”

He can't bring himself to say how new it is for him to depend so much on someone else's feelings.

“For a while?” Mark repeats as if it is the only part of the sentence that matters.

“Yes? It could have been since yesterday, it could have been since forever. What imports is that I love you now. And that I’m sorry for what I’ve put you through for being such an idiot.”

“Don’t say something you don’t mean.”

“I mean it! I swear! What can I do to prove it? You name it, I'll do anything.”

“I don’t want you to do anything, gosh.”

“Come over I want to be with you.”

“I don't.” Mark replies before hiding behind the wall. His voice becomes almost inaudible. “I can't right now. I feel like I’m dreaming. Give me some time.”

“What about tomorrow? Let's meet and have lunch. Let's go to the park, you like it, right? Let's go there.”

“Okay, see you tomorrow. Good night, Yukhei.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very k-drama like. Lol (really, sorry...)  
> is this even ok? Is Sicheng too mean in this??? I can’t tell. Unlike Yuta, no redemption arc is planned for him.
> 
> It was quite long but I actually cut it! Most of the next chapter is already written down which means the wait won’t be as long, yay! see ya!


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